Hope and Hysteria

Love

As a human being is a glorified chimp, which is to say a savage that can do calculus, paint the Mona Lisa, and build the Pyramids of Giza, it is a victim of its own intelligence and desires. Sexual competition among members of a group of the same species is a topic of popularity that spans all of intelligent life as humans currently know it in 2018. When an intelligent being is introduced to the idea of love, which means a deep feeling of affection, care, and concern for the well being of another, it can sometimes clash with the fundamental human desire for sexual activity with an individual of sexual prowess and skill. This stems from a basic conflict between the selfless and selfish desires of human beings, a fundamental theme. Whether a human naturally satisfies one or the other is their choice alone to make. For one human to be faithful to another, it must first have complete trust in the ability for humans to satisfy selfless needs. It must see proof of selflessness in other human beings, which in a world of monetized sexuality, is not an obvious feat to be witnessed. However, these selfless acts do exist. Fortunately, this subject is relatively open and shut. The value a person places on another person, as subjective and varied as these values are, is a very human thing to do. I don't know too much about humans, but what I do know is there is an interesting and common type of value. Perhaps the value, similar to my mental condition, is not so much an absolute rather a syndrome, which is a mere collection of symptoms that usually appear with each other, but now always. Love is very similar. The emotional, physical, and spiritual symptoms of love all come from an individual's perception of ideals with respect to such things. The insecurities that usually arise in relationships of people and the self would most likely have to do with how practical or likely an individual estimates their ideals to be. For example, innocence is an ideal of mine which I ascribe to the realm of someone I love. How practical is innocence, though? If I think it impractical, even though I see it in my girlfriend, I will develop an insecurity or fear. The same thing goes for my self-ideal of desirability. Ideally, I'm a desirable person, but how practical or likely is that? How do I know if I am someone a person would want to love? Am I fundamentally a good person? Do people think loving me is a good idea? I usually tumble down this slippery slope, which leads me to guessing what other people are thinking of me in order to gage my own desirability. These insecurities are fuelled by uncertainty. The trick is to wonder whether or not something is even under my control. I cannot control what people see as desirable or loveable, I can't know what other people's ideals project to be. The idea of self improvement to be more desirable indicates an error in thinking that there is only one projected ideal for all people, even within a certain demographic. This is not the case. The diversity in people's thoughts and desires is too large to indicate any general direction to 'improve' towards, surely.