See Me Now (Mirry: Harry Styles&Michael Clifford)

Chapter 22 - Epilogue

Epilogue

*Harry's POV* 

I waited for him... Day after day. I didn't leave his couch for a month... Although according to Niall it has been three months... Let's just believe him, cause I have no indication of time anymore... Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days, days like months and months are just an eternity. He never came back to me and he never will... He didn't lie, even though I needed him to. I know it's time for me to get up, to continue my life. Niall can't keep feeding me, he can't keep washing me... I am the parent, not him.

"Uncle Harry, I made some sandwiches..."
"Thanks. Hey Niall, where does the food keep coming from?"
"Eh... Lou helps... And Zayn, Blake, Ashtyn, Matt, Liam..."
"How?"
"They buy food for a week..."
"What? And they pay for it?"
"No.... I might have given them your credit card..."
"Okay."
"I'm so sorry! I knew you would not like them to pay for everything and Lou keeps working and people pay everything on time so you keep having money and-"
"Don't worry about it Niall. You are one brave, smart boy."
"I am?"
"Yeah... Without you I would haven given up by now..."

I open my arms and let him crawl between them. That boy is not only my rock, but also my hero and my saviour. If he can be that for me, I have to be that for him as well. I wasn't the only one losing something... Someone... I lost a boyfriend, but he lost his best friend and in a way that is even worse than my loss.  

So... How does my life continue in the future? I live back home, Niall has left the house and is dating a wonderful boy. He went through a fase where he didn't know whether he liked boys or girls, but now he knows he loves both. For now, he is going with boys and he is happy. As it should be. He is 28, engaged and working as a social worker. His past defines him and he wants to pass his knowledge on. We still have weekly dinner dates and he still tries to keep me young by taking me to some of his clients... Or by organizing paint wars and water fights... We even went to a children's play in the local hospital. They did Peter Pan. It was the most wonderful thing ever.
He still talks about him, but as a fond memory... Who can blame him, he was still so young when he left us...

Me? At 41 I still work as an architect and yes, Lou is still there. My company grew in the past 20 year, so now it's not just the two of us anymore... We are a firm with 10 people now. I'm proud of that. After he left, I never dated anyone. I couldn't... He took my heart with him and if I couldn't love anyone that way anymore it wouldn't be fair towards them. The boys still stuck around. All of them come over all the time. On Friday we have lads night. No exceptions, unless something more important comes up. Otherwise you are there. Friday is ours. None of them ever mention him again and that's fine... I can't either. It took me a few years to understand that he did what he had to do. That we would never work out. Yes, we were perfect together, but I would be long dead by the time he died,  we could have never married cause no one could see him, people would think I was insane because I was talking to myself and knowing my nosey neighbours they might have had me locked up, I couldn't bring him to hospital if he broke something, cause how do you help out air? Knowing all this, it's understandable, but it still hurts... So much time has passed and I still miss a piece of myself.

How is he doing? He's gone... We got a visit from Ashton about 19 years ago... He told us everything. That boy that walked out on me couldn't cope... He got worse... Every single day he cried... He slept as much as he could to live with me in his dreams. Ashton got him out of that funk by talking to him and showing him that he still could be loved. They tried dating, but after six months he gave up. A year and a half after we broke up he shut down. His heart literally broke and he went... When they die, they turn into stardust and get carried away by the wind. I hope some of him found his way to me. I like to believe so. Their soul gets carried to the sky and turns into a star. Ashton showed me which one... It sounds stupid but I still talk to him. I can't say his name, I can't say that I love him, but I do. His star is the only thing I have left of him and I cannot say goodbye to it.

The hardest part... Knowing he isn't out there anymore makes me remember every little detail so much better. I don't like it, I don't want it. Right after he died I wrote a song about it, about him, about us, about him dating Ashton... How could he even try that, when I was here on my own... Never giving up on him...

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted
I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine

Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?
Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all

The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around

It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long
It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?

'Cause I'm not fine at all

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

If today I woke up with you right beside me
Like all of this was just some twisted dream
I'd hold you closer than I ever did before
And you'd never slip away
And you'd never hear me say

I remember the day you told me you were leaving
I remember the make-up running down your face
And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them
Like every single wish we ever made
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape

'Cause I'm not fine at all
No, I'm really not fine at all
Tell me this is just a dream
'Cause I'm really not fine at all

"Uncle Harry? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine Ni.", I lie, like I did ever single time they asked me in all those years.
"Come on then, the boys are waiting. They decided to play Pictionary."
"Great, tell them I'm coming."

After Niall closes the door I turn around and look outside again. His star is still shining bright, like he wants me to know he is still there. I know, I can feel it... I can feel him.

I love you... always have and always will. I love you.  

This is it... The official end to See Me Now. Thank you for your support throughout this entire story. Your reads made me happy, your comments made me smile, your votes made me do a happy dance. I cannot express my gratitude to you guys. That's why I dedicate this book to anyone who has read it and enjoyed it. Thank you.

Lots of love,
Iris