Behind His Scene (XXXTentacion)

6. Runaways pt.2

We'd been driving in the general direction of my house when X turned down a street, which was three streets down from mine.
"This is the wrong one." I said quickly.
He just kept driving "I know, I also know there's a park down here by the beach. We can talk for a while." He said pulling into the dark park.
"What if fans see your car here?" I asked when he parked.
"They all think I'm in Hawaii." He shrugged.
"What?" I frowned softly
"I don't tell them where I am all the time, they wouldn't leave me alone if I did." He said.
"The thought of having so much attention terrifies me." I said softly.
My mom was the only one who gave me heaps of attention.
Shit, I haven't called mom.
"Oh shit I need to call my mom and tell her that I'm alive." I gasped grabbing my phone from my bag.
"Tell her you'll be out for a while." X grinned.
I rolled my eyes and dialed her cell.
"Honey! I've been worried sick! Did you get held back at work longer?" She instantly said when she picked up.
"No, no. I'm so sorry Momma, Seb ended up giving me a lift home and we are just gonna chill at work on the golf course for a while, I'm so sorry I didn't call." I said, x watched me.
"Okay that's fine honey, just be quiet when you come in, I don't want the neighbours complaining again." She said
"Yes mom, I love you."
"Okay chachi, love you, good bye." She said warmly and hung up.
I put my phone back into my bag.
"She all good?" He asked.
"Yeah." I nodded, looking at him and taking another gulp of my frosty.
"Does you're Dad work at the resort too?" X asked starting to fiddle, dragging his nail over the stitching in the leather seat.
"No, my Dad passed away seven years ago, from bowel cancer." I said, I always dreaded telling people. Talking of dead parents always killed the mood.
"I'm sorry." X said.
"Why? It's not your fault he got sick." I said smiling softly to him.
"Yeah, but I'm sorry that happened to you." He said softly, "So it's just you and your mom?" He asked again.
Shit, he didn't know how much he was gonna be saying sorry tonight if he kept asking about family.
I sighed, "Yeah, I had a little sister, but she was shot one year ago. Stray bullet from a drive by on our street." I said.
X shook his head, "I shouldn've asked." He seemed more down than I was.
"No it's fine, really. Everyone goes through losses in their life. I accept that it happened and I can't change it. It was really hard at the time though. It still is some days." I shrugged.
"I hate how so much negativity in this world harms innocent people." X muttered.
"No matter how good people are, there are waves of bad and good that wash over every one. Sometimes people are just in the wrong places at the wrong times." I looked to him as I spoke, finding his eyes peering deeply into mine.
"It's still not fair." He said.
"I never know when cancer, stray bullet, fatal accident whatever will hit me. But I know I want to do the best I can while I'm here. Whether it's for a long time or a short second." I said trying to lighten the mood.
He smiled, shaking his head.
"What?" I asked looking at him with a squint.
"I've never known someone to say such a deep shit so confidently." He chuckled softly.
I closed my mouth, looking away in annoyance. Was he really judging me right now?
"No no, hey. I love it. It's just taking me by surprise but I couldn't agree more with everything you just said." He spoke quickly, and reassuringly.
I looked back to him, seeing the genuine expression in his face.
"I guess you have a lot of people who's lives you can change." I said.
"Yeah, That's all I want to do. Use my platform to spread light and positivity. It wasn't my intention in the start but I've grown to learn what being a positive energy can change. And I have ways to change how people think about themselves and those around them." He reached up playing with one of his dreads.
"I don't think I could stand that pressure, or the constant attention." I said shivering at the thought of it.
"I mean the attention's good. I love seeing my fans, talking to them and making a difference to their lives. It's when you get home after the show, and everyone goes home. And it's just you. It feels like walking through a garden of abundance and then you blink, and your surrounded by a waste land. It's such a massive contrast. Sometimes I lay in bed and feel like I'm going crazy type shit." He spoke so well.
"I'm the other way around. I get into a crowd and feel like I'm loosing my mind. I sometimes have to remove myself mentally to keep my shit together. Silence and being in my own mind is my comfort." I said to him.
X seemed intrigued. He looked at me with curiosity.
"So if you like to be alone I guess you don't have a boyfriend." His question slapped me in the face. But his smirk was full of self satisfaction that he'd slipped the question in.
"Really smooth." I rolled my eyes, then added, "No, I haven't ever had one either.." I said looking to his eyes.
"I guess you dead ass too deep for the n*ggas out here." He licked his lips.
It made me laugh but the humour soon faded and the whole atmosphere in the car formed to tense, sexually tense. When I'd realised the conversation we just had, and what he'd just claimed; my chest started to feel airy. He was inching closer to me and I felt myself doing the same.
Stop, he only wants in your pants. Don't kiss him, what if he brags about it and you lose your job?
So I sat back, pulled a cigarette from my bag and a light. I got out of the car and walked towards the dimly lit park bench that sat right near where the sand of the beach met the grass. I heard x follow and so I sat on the table of the bench, legs crossed.
He sat across from me.
We were closer than when we were in the car, his knees against mine.
I lit my cigarette and handed him the lighter.
We drew at the same time.
"I'm trying to re-invent myself." He finally said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I don't want to be a symbol for sex, drugs and violence anymore."
"I didn't think you ever were?"
"If you listened to my music you would think so." He sighed.
"I honestly wouldn't know but, people love you. And sex, drugs and violence never result in love. So you must be emitting some love, positivity and happiness." I said, hating that he was down on himself.
"From now on, all I want to be about is just that. Love, positivity and light." He said.
I nodded, "You need to be those things to truly show people what they are." I spoke softly.
I took his hand, "I see all three of those thing in you X."
He looked shocked but like a child, wanting and hopeful.
"That means a lot coming from someone who sees me without my fame and reputation. How you see me is raw. How I wish everyone could see me." He sighed.
I smiled softly, "I don't know why but right now I can't imagine you ever being famous, not in a bad way. You just seem like a boy, who is confused and trying to find his true self. I guess when you have an appearance labeled to you from a lot of people it's much harder to work out and be who you want to and who you are constantly told to be." I shrugged.
"Exactly." He said, looking from my lips to my eyes again.
I felt it again, the tension. But this time I didn't know if I could stop myself. My want for X right now, was overriding all logic in my mind. And when the tips of our noses touched I quickly took a breathe in, "I don't want to just have sex with you and then tomorrow deal with acting as if we're still just people who don't know each other." I whispered.
X put his hand against my neck, "I just want to kiss you. And we know too much about each other to pretend shit." He muttered.
That knocked every wall down, an inch of reassurance was enough for me and so I let his lips crash to mine.