Behind His Scene (XXXTentacion)

13. Gone

I woke in the morning to X's phone ringing. He was wrapped around me like a vine. His smell was all consuming but once I'd realised what was going on I frowned softly rocking him by moving my hips. X stirred softly but his eyes opened suddenly and as his eyes opened he'd already begun searching for his phone on my bedside table. When his hand found it he quickly looked at the caller ID, answering with a sigh.
"Yeah?" He groaned sleepily down the phone, bringing a smile to my face. I pressed soft kisses to his chest, while the voice on his phone was hardly understandable to me I could hear the tone. It must be someone who works for him, the voice spoke in a formal but rushed tone.
While my lips laid kisses to his chest and neck he obliged by turning his head up to give me more access and his free hand hooked around to pull my hair out of the way.
"Yo, find out and get back to my as soon as you have news... ight... yea I understand... Ight cool let me know." Was all he answered before putting his phone back down.
He stayed in position letting me kiss his soft warm skin.
"Shawty.. you starting something I'm gonna need to finish." He warned playfully.
I could feel his erection pressing into my hip.
"You're just so kissable." I argued in between kisses.
I heard his smile as he exhaled.
But soon I felt his energy change.
"I might have to leave key west tonight." He said sullenly.
I stopped, frozen at his neck.
No
"But I thought you were staying for another two weeks?"
"I did too but my manager just told me, my court date was pulled forward and they might need me to appear in two days." As x spoke his voice seemed increasingly disappointed.
I sat back so I could look at him, "appear in court for what?"
"Armed robbery." He murmured.
He hadn't told me about an armed robbery charge.
"I don't want you to go. But this is important." I concluded tracing over his tattoos.
"I don't want to leave baby but if I miss this it could mean jail time."
"You don't need my permission Jah, I just know I'll miss you." I shrugged and wrapped my arms around his torso.
"I still need to hear back from my manager but I just want you to know."
I nodded, "I appreciate you telling me in advance."
I looked over him, his brown eyes were consuming as he looked down into mine.
I laid my ear to his chest, the bumping of his heart drowned out the traffic down in the street.
It was like music.
"I couldn't live if anything ever happened to you." I whispered softly.
"What makes you say that mama." He said softly, resting his head on top of mine.
"Jail is a dangerous place, if you go.. I don't want anyone to hurt you Jah." I tightened my arms around him.
"I'll keep myself safe for you if not for myself. I couldn't live if you were gone either." He spoke still softly, but I could hear his sincerity.
"I love you, and you love me. We have an obligation to stay safe, for each other." I sighed.
"Where's my positive girl?" He smiled softly pulling back to look at me. I did so too.
"I know I'm sorry but I just had to say it."
"You tell the universe every night to keep me safe and for you, I'd hope it'll do as you ask." He licked his lips and kissed me.
"Then I'll demand every night that you stay safe, that your mind stays positive and you come back to me." I smiled returning a kiss.
Jah smiled softly. "I'll come back to you."
-
I was never so happy to eat cereal for every meal but Jah seemed to love it. So we were back at the table half dressed and eating cereal.
"If you go to prison, How long will it be for?" I asked.
Jah sat still eating for a while before he looked up at me, paused and sat back.
"If they charge me for everything I'm up for.. 25 or longer." He was hesitant, I could tell by his tone.
I wanted to frown but I was speechless.
And I knew Jah could tell I was shocked because he took my hand.
"I told you, you'd wish you had given yourself to me first chance you got." I didn't know if he was trying to funny or if he was just stating a fact but both annoyed me. I pulled my hand from his.
I wanted to glare or yell. But I knew my anger was because he was telling the truth and also because I was angry at the world. That it might take another person from me. And Jah was like the drug of all drugs. I'd had a taste now and nothing would ever suffice.
So I got up calmly and walked upstairs, into the bathroom and turned the shower on.
I pulled my clothes off angrily and threw them against the floor. I let my back lean against the cold tiles on the wall and I took a breath. Holding my head. This amazing week and then conversations behind glass for 25 years. The thought that his charisma and talent might be wasted in prison made me more angry. I put my head back and sighed, stepping under the warm water in the shower. Hoping the water could wash away my resentment.
It was only a moment before I heard the bathroom door open. I didn't look at him. It would only hurt more. He hadn't even been to court yet and I was already filled with doom. X stepped in behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"You straight?" He mumbled.
"I can't.." I started to speak but I felt his energy change.
"If you want to cut me off.. I can't argue. I'll understand. Just don't do it right now." He was speaking so low, he was scared or sad. I couldn't really tell.
"No." I turned and looked at him, pushing him until he was up against the shower wall.
"I can't deal with not having you for 25 years or more. Waiting until next summer kills me now. Just the thought.." I looked down and then back up to him.
"Jah if you moved to another country, if you were put in solitary confinement for 50 years, I'd find some way to be with you. I'd find you. It scares the shit out of me but nothing could keep me from you. Not bars or the sea. Not death, hell or high water."
He stared at me, then nodded, his forehead meeting mine.
He took a breath to speak but his lips made contact with mine before he spoke and now he was pushing me against the shower wall, his hands running down my body and then lifting me to wrap my legs around his hips.
And he didn't speak after that. He just showed me how desperate he was for me. And I let him. Every thrust or hungry kiss while the water poured over us just showed me how much he wanted me. And it would never wash away with the water.
Tomorrow he would be gone. And I didn't know how long it would be before I saw him again. A week or 25 years. So many things could come between us.