Behind His Scene (XXXTentacion)

7. Breeze

When my lips left X's I felt the disappointment and dissatisfaction of him now being far away. He seemed to feel the same way so he took my hand, our fingers moving to briefly touch and then change position, we did this subconsciously. He sighed softly and chuckled.
"Dead ass I could sit here all night with you." He said softly, when he spoke quietly his voice got hoarse.
"It wouldn't be my first all nighter in this park." I said looking from him to our hands.
"What do you mean?" He asked softly.
"I come here very often to think, most of the time I loose track of my thoughts and the sun starts to rise before I know it." I whispered. The world seemed so quiet since our lips separated. I'd noticed now we were both speaking like everyone could hear us.
"I used to runaway from home as a kid. I lived with my grandmother for most of my life, my mom wasn't fit to look after me. But it never stopped me from sneaking out and trying to find her at night, most of the time I'd just end up on the front steps of my friends houses. Picking at grass blades and thinking." He responded.
"It's in our nature to runaway.." I concluded.
X just smiled, but his eyes were so easy to read I could see he agreed, and that there was a want for him to do exactly that. Runaway. Just as we had tonight.
"Do you want to come and chill at mine?" I asked. I had a balcony outside of my window, Ma would've taken her sleeping meds by now. She'd be out so deep a pan could drop on the tiles in her room and she wouldn't even stir. That meant X could chill for a little.
"Are you sure?" He asked, smirking softly.
"Yeah, We can sit on my balcony." I said.
"Yeah I'll conquer the crib shawt." He grinned starting to get up.
-
Our drive to my house was silent. X put some music on, not my usual but I was really enjoying it. When he pulled up the music died and stopped looking at me then the radio.
"What did you think?" He asked. I could see the expression on his face, and then my mind almost exploded. That was one of his songs.
"Are you serious?!" I laughed. I covered my face with my hands to hide my blushing, I couldn't believe it.
"It's my song, King." He smirked.
"It's amazing. I loved it." I giggled.
"I thought you were gonna catch on as soon as I played it." He said opening his door.
-
The whole way towards our apartment my hair stood up. I'd never brought a boy home. And something about having X close, made my body hyper aware. To be near him was like a slow release, adrenaline rush.
I opened the front door, all the lights were off except for in the kitchen. Ma was definitely asleep. I saw X looking around. It wasn't a massive apartment, white, grey and blue furniture, to match the seaside feel, my moms room, bathroom, kitchen, laundry and living room were all on the bottom floor. My room and bathroom were upstairs. I pushed my shoes off at the kitchen bench and opened the fridge. "Do you want a Powerade?" I leaned down pulling two out of the fridge.
X just nodded, I was unsure if he was just being quiet because of my my mom sleeping or if he was thinking about something.
I showed him upstairs and showed him out onto my balcony, avoiding the pink glow of my room.
I sat down on one of the out door lounges but x stayed standing and leaned against the balcony, looking out on the town in front of him.
"I can't remember the last time I walked into someone's house, with the intention of being a guest. Usually there's people everywhere, girls and clout chasers. It always brings me back down to earth when I get a taste of normal." He said softly.
I could tell how he spoke that he had so much conflict within his head.
"X-" I began but he interrupted me.
"Jaseh, you can call my Jahseh." He said softly, taking a seat next to me.
"Jah.. You don't have to be anything around me." I said softly.
"Yeah you say that now." He scoffed.
My heart broke for him. He was so untrusting. I guess I couldn't make promises. He'd check out of the resort and I'd be lucky to see him next summer if I managed to keep my job down or if I hadn't flown off to college. I had so many possibilities standing in between us. And we were familiar with each other but we didn't know each other.
"My Papa always said, what you believe becomes your reality, if you say so." I sighed, "You can choose if you want to trust me or not, and you can choose who you are around me. I'll stay the same either way you turn." I assured him. I didn't mean to sound supportive. It was a soft warning that I would prove him wrong if he made me out to be a dumb gold digger in his own head.
X sat forward, hands rubbing at his eyes, It was quiet but his sudden inhale revealed he was crying. I felt my chest ache. So I slid down and pushed myself in between his knees and softly ran my fingers up and down his arms. I didn't know what to say but he sighed, "I really just wanna die, G shit." He sniffled.
I frowned softly, tears of my own stinging my eyes.
"That wouldn't accomplish anything Jah. It would only push the pain onto everyone else that loves you, even if they don't know you. I can see how that devil on your shoulder takes over. Don't ever let him win." I whispered softly.
He shook his head softly, "I know, My fans and the people that love me are the only reason I stop myself." He sounded so broken.
"Then let that be your reason." I concluded, I stood to sit on his lap, He let me, leaning back still covering his face. I reached to remove his hands from his face, I put them around my waist and then wiped his cheeks. He looked at me, Tired and now almost numb.
"You have me, right now. I'm here." I comforted him. I might not see him again after he left town but while he was here I accepted and took upon myself that I might be his support if he allowed it.
"I'm a fan. Not of your music but of you as a person."
He nodded softly at my words, his lips pushed out into a slight pout, I leaned down kissing them softly, he reacted quickly, pulling me to straddle him, keeping our lips connected. We moved against each other to the rhythm of our lips, moving over one another's but when he inched his finger under the elastic of my pants I broke away, grasping his hand.
"I think you should go back to the resort, and get some rest." I said softly. I wasn't going to have sex with him, even if he felt he needed it right now. I didn't want to be apart from him but it was overwhelming now.
"Just text me when you get back and please be safe." I said, getting up and off him.
He took a breathe. "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." He pinched my hand softly as he made his way past me, I assumed he could show himself out. So I just sat back down once he'd closed the door, lighting a cigarette. I didn't know if I would've stopped his hand had it got any lower, and that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't know if he wanted to have sex with me cause he felt vulnerable or if he just got too caught up in the moment. I guess I'd have to see how he was tomorrow. I felt as though he was the type to push people away if they got too close. I heard his car roar with life, and pull out onto the road. So I sat in silence, listening to it disappear towards the resort way.

{{ Let me know what you all think! If there is anything you want to see in particular, I've been grieving X hard this month and I'm already writing the next chapter, I might release it within a couple days but thank you all for reading and the support I appreciate you.}}