Behind His Scene (XXXTentacion)

18. Time Lies

                                 6 Months Later

I know it's all fucked.

Just please message me
if you need anthing.

At all

Anything. X
 
                                                                I will, thank you.

I stared down at my phone, X and I's last conversation, twelve hours before my mother past away.
My inheritance from my mother included all of the inheritance I'd gotten from my father. It had been put away in a bank account for me until I was 21. But seeing as I was legally by myself now, It was released to me. The grave side funeral for my mother was attended by all staff from the resort, Seb, Gloria and Myself. The resort had also given me a large sum of money to help with my situation and as horrible as it was to think, to stop me taking legal action on them for my mother's accident in the pool area.
I still drove my mother's old car, living in the apartment alone was too painful and so Seb and I had moved into a small beach house closer to the resort. I still worked five days a week. I had nothing else to do and within the months after my mother's funeral the staff at the resort had become my friends and some resembled what family would. Seb especially. His ability to make me laugh was a welcome cure to the grief that weighed over my head. Most nights we fell asleep on the couch together. My mother's death has impacted him too. We became inseparable.
"Girl. What are you doing?" Seb interrupted my thoughts my eyes still running over the text conversation between X and I.
I sighed, "Maybe I should call him?" I suggested.
Seb sighed and sat down next to me while I smoked, sitting on a picnic table tucked away in the resort park. The sun was setting and we decided to have a dinner picnic after work while the Sky blended shades of pink, orange and purple with the sinking sun.
"D.. I didn't want to have to tell you. I honestly thought you would've googled him by now, out of curiosity but. You won't be able to call him babe." He  lit up a cigarette too, a habit he'd taken up since living with me.
I frowned, my heart still dropped when people spoke like Seb had. My first thought was always death, I don't think that would ever change.
"Why?" I inquired, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Well I guess you could call him, if you had permission from the Miami-Dade County Jail.." Seb had paused to let his information set in but I shook my head, with wide eyes urging him for more information.
"Look, I think your ready for the truth but when X told you he was going to court for aggravated robbery charges, he lied. And he wasn't on house arrest, but the police were making sure he didn't leave the state.."
I sighed softly before taking a long drag from my cigarette, "explain yourself." I groaned.
Seb ruffled his beautiful curls like he was getting ready, he finally took a deep breath before speaking, "Don't freak out. But X was on trial for domestic abuse charges against his girlfriend at the time.. and they dismissed the case or let him out on bail, hence not letting him leave the state. BUT then apparently he's been charged with battery of a pregnant woman, false imprisonment and some other shit.. he got arrested."
I opened my mouth but it took me a moment to get the words out, "We're talking about X right?"
Seb rolled his eyes, "Yes babe. But his career is actually better and before you call me fucked up for saying that.. They are releasing him cause he's agreed to house arrest and the trial hasn't started but apparently the girlfriend wants to drop the case and there is some very convincing hospital papers that claim she wasn't pregnant and that his fans beat her, and he didn't." Seb shot out quickly, he could probably tell from my wide eyes that I was ready to scream.
"I- I'm speechless."
Seb frowned with sympathy at my words.
"Seb, be honest.. is there just a sign on my head that says 'fuck my life up'?" I stammered.
Seb smirked at me, rolling his eyes at my dramatic statement, "Girl, the only people that think he did it is the Florida justice system. I'm amazed that you ain't mad he had a girlfriend while y'alls were fucking around in love." He looked at his nails with his usual sass. I snorted with a laugh of amusement.
"Please, after the last 3 years X having a girlfriend while he's in an open, location based relationship with me is so not the biggest problem in my life. I just hate that I thought I knew him. And then you tell me all this shit and I feel like we're talking about a completely different person to each other.. the guy you're speaking about sounds crazy. The guy I'm speaking about was just very messed up, broken but loving.. lovable."
Seb snorted this time, "Baby.. ain't that the same thing? Broken and crazy? They go hand in hand."
I snorted back, "Well I should be in a padded room with two straight jackets on."
Seb just pouted and popped a piece of cucumber in his mouth.
-
Seb was right, X got released two weeks after our conversation over our dinner picnic.
We'd been sitting on the couch both looking crazy with shimmer filled face masks painted on. He was drinking red wine, on his phone telling me gossip and secrets about the girls who showed up on his Facebook feed, I was laughing, wiping off the mask when my phone rang from beside me on the arm chair.
Before I even checked the caller ID Seb squealed.
Seb or Gloria were the only people who called me at this time of night. Gloria was working and Seb was beside me so I knew that only left one person.
I considered ignoring it out of fear that I had nothing to say but Seb was wrestling me for my phone.
I slid my finger across the phone to answer the call, holding it up to my ear, quickly getting up and away from Seb who was mouthing 'LOUDSPEAKER BITCH' at me as if he were screaming it.
I walked out of the room and onto the front porch quickly.
"Hello?" I spoke softly starting to doubt it was X even though his caller ID was clear.
"Hey.." he answered back he sounded just as, if not more, unsure than I had.
"Hey stranger" I mumbled softly. I was still mad. Seb had told me that he messaged X about my mom passing, and that X had read it but never replied. Looking back now even if he'd wanted to reply for the last few months he wouldn't have been able to from his jail cell.
I heard his sigh over the phone, "How much do you know?" Was all he asked.
I scoffed at his frustrating righteousness. That he would dare make this about him after so long and so much happening.
"Everything. Seb filled me in." I said quietly, pushing my hair behind me ear, lighting a cigarette and sinking into the chair on the porch.
"So why'd you answer the phone?" He asked
I sighed in frustration, "Curiosity.. boredom maybe." I tried to play it cool.
"Boredom breeds adventure doesn't it?" I could tell from his tone that he was smirking, it made my blood boil but my heart beat faster.
"Is there something you want to say Jah? Or are you just calling for you're own peace of mind?" I muttered, blowing out a lung full of smoke.
Really I couldn't believe he was actually speaking to me right now.
"Type shit. You said not death, not bars, hell or high water. I just wondered if you still want to keep that promise." He sounded so entitled right now but it wasn't enough to stop the soft spot in my heart from feeling what he said.
"Death of last living relative wasn't really in those terms and conditions. And I didn't know until a couple of weeks ago that you were even behind bars." I explained coldly.
X sighed softly, "I'm sorry D. I fucked it all up."
I felt sorry for him but only in a small part of my mind, "X.. Our relationship is the last thing you should think about fixing. From the sounds of it there is a lot more for you to be trying to fix."
He tutted softly, "I know I had a lot of time to think, I want to be better. I will be- better." He promised.
"Good, so do it." I gritted my teeth silently.
"I don't want to loose you.. again." X admitted softly.
"Jah. If I can loose so many and still be whole. You can loose me and do just fine."
"I could.. but I don't want to. All I want is you still. And that feeling has never left. Not since you left me in that hotel room. I just want to see you again." He pleaded.
I was finding it harder and harder to be cold, I stayed silent not trusting myself to not say something like 'I love you, let's start over' which is really how I felt deep down but I wanted and needed a lot more apologies than that.
"Jah.." I began but he cut me off.
"I still love you Dahlia."
I couldn't stop the feeling of raw want and need for him that exploded within my torso, so in panic I ended the call.
Sitting on the porch in the glow of the full moon. In the sound of cicadas ringing I tried to process the phone call I'd  just ended. I had expected him to call back but instead he just sent me an address with the message: