Behind His Scene (XXXTentacion)

15. Photograph or Autograph

Parking, getting through security was easier than I'd thought. The venue was in a park, green grass and the occasional sculpture which was the only hint that the concert was taking place in a location most people ran through or took their kids for a picnic. Hundreds of people were still getting through the gates, I'd been let in at the VIP entrance, at least 50 others joined me. I felt over dressed by all the other girls that rocked just bra's with their short shorts or dresses that they spilled out of it easily. I couldn't start freaking out that I wasn't dressed appropriately. I knew now though that I was definitely not going to stand out compared to the other girls.
I made my way over to the bar, in need of some liquid courage. I'd never been to the city by myself let alone a concert. I downed a shot of tequila quickly and sat down for a moment. Taking a cigarette from my bag the bar tender stopped me, telling me to find a smokers area. I quickly asked him where the back stage entrance was and then set off to find other people smoking or a secluded area where security couldn't see me. I walked around the mostly empty venue for a few minutes, finding an area behind where the stage had been set up, where a line of security stood, behind them a circle of cars and trailers. I knew there were other artists performing tonight, X was in the line up close the end of the show. I walked straight past the line of security that clearly took the pass around my neck as an acceptable entry pass. I found an area in between two trailers, lighting up my cigarette and inhaling with relief. I put my back against the wall of the trailer and sighed softly.
I checked my phone to find a single text from Seb.

Have fun bitch. He'll love the surprise.
DONT DOUBT YOURSELF! Xx

I smiled softly and nodded to the words on my screen. I'd reply back soon, Taking another drag I froze when on the other side of the trailer I heard the door open and close with a slam.
There were male voices that yelled out to someone else. And then I heard another voice, more familiar.
I peeked past the trailer to see a group of boys walking towards X who had come from the back of the stage set up. He was in basketball shorts and no shirt, a grey box strapped to his left ankle. The boys who had left the trailer pointed to the ankle monitor making jokes. I wanted more than anything to walk over to see X. He was metres away, and I had to fight my legs from running to him. But instead they stepped back and I hid behind the trailer. I didn't know why. Maybe he'd get embarrassed being approached by someone in front of his friends. I mean I wasn't just "someone." I'd hoped so at least.
When I peaked back around the corner X and the others where standing around talking and passing a blunt to each other.
When he looked around I quickly ducked back to hide behind the trailer again. Taking the final drag from my cigarette I dropped it in the dirt under my feet and stepped it out with the tip of my shoe.
When I peaked around the corner the boys had left and X stood, on his phone, then lifted it to his ear.
My heart skipped a beat when my own phone in my bag started ringing, I fumbled in shock to answer it, praying he hadn't heard it ringing.
"Hey!" I panted, failing dreadfully to sound casual.
"Hey.. you sound weird, did I catch you at a bad time?" He asked suspiciously.
"No!.. I was just getting out of the shower I didn't expect your call, sorry." I lied, calming my voice down.
X chuckled into the phone. "Okay.." he said clearly not believing me.
"What are you doing?" I asked peeking back around the corner, he was pacing softly, and as he lit a cigarette I heard it through the phone.
"I'm just about to go and get ready for the show, It starts in half an hour. And I just wanted to hear your voice." He smiled softly.
I couldn't help but grin at the way he shrugged over in the distance.
"I wish I could've been there.." I said softly, trying not to laugh at the irony of the situation.
"Yeah, me too shawty.. I'm dying to feel you again." He'd stopped pacing, looking at the ground.
"Soon.." I murmured.
"Not soon enough.." he whispered, sadly.
"Have a good show, Call me tonight?" I whispered back.
X looked up and started pacing again, nodding.
"I will baby. I love you."
"Love you." I responded before watching him hang up the phone. He dropped his cigarette, put his phone back into his pocket before walking to the stage, up the stairs and behind the black curtain entrance.
I laughed softly and ran back, over where he'd been and past the security. I knew where he was now, I could stay in the audience while the other artists preform, and then when he went on I'd go back stage to wait and surprise him.
The show started, I recognised a few of the performers from the resort. The front of the crowd went crazy, bashing and running into each other while the artists were on stage. Circles of mosh pits opened and closed through out the crowd but I stayed at the back off to the side watching patiently.
When Ski got on stage I recognised him straight away, his music was so good, I hadn't of predicted from meeting him at the resort that he was so good with words as he'd said so little. Girls went crazy all through the crowd but not nearly as hysterical as when Ski called out X and a beat with moaning came over the speakers.
I took this as my sign to make my way back stage, the security let me through just as they had before the show. I followed instructions of people working until someone showed me up stairs, pulling back the black curtains revealed a hall way that had been set up, people in the hallways drank and smoked against the walls, they all looked like they belonged there. Some of them looking me up and down. Others had backstage passes like me. I followed the sound to find the wing of the stage. It was crowded and an area had been made with chairs, where people where again, smoking and drinking but it was much more crowded than the hallway. I tucked myself in amongst everyone, watching X and Ski on the stage jumping around. The crowd was going absolutely crazy for them, the mosh pit turned into the whole front half of the crowd instead of just a few circles spread out.
"Yoooo, Dahria?" A voice next to me spoke.
I frowned looking for it to find a familiar face, one of X's friends from Key west.
"Dahlia." I smiled reminding him.
He was faded, but nodded with a droopy smile at me.
"Right, Dahlia.. does X know you're here?" He asked me, automatically passing me a drink. I took it, even though I had no intention of drinking it.
"Thanks.. uh no, I thought I'd surprise him.. so don't tell him!" I yelled over the sound of the music.
He grinned and nodded, "Respect, I won't say anything then." He yelled back before pinching my chin drunkly and walking back to the sitting area.
I'd watched as X preformed, he was a force to be reckoned with, so full of energy and so angry.
The crowd loved it and so did I.
After hearing King in his car that night I hadn't expected his music to be so violent, but I loved it just as much as his energy.
Ski and X had been jumping around, screaming and rapping for fifteen minutes before they finished. Each set was around the same time frame and everyone in the crowded backstage area around me praised them as they made their way off stage. Everyone erupted when they got into the wing, both of them accepting drinks off people and talking. I stayed where I was, X was slowly getting closer to me, making his way through people. I decided to stay where I was thinking he was two glances away from seeing me. The anticipation was building in my chest at a rapid rate but it was soon a sinking feeling when a brunette grabbed X from behind immediately kissing him. He didn't even think twice before he hooked his hand around her waist to grab her ass.
I didn't really know what to do. And before I could make up my mind Ski was looking at me over someone's shoulder. He excused himself from them, pushing past them to be in front of me. "Yo, what are you doing here?" He asked glancing back at X who was now talking to another person with his arm around the brunettes shoulders.
I looked back to Ski, hiding my hurt, "I decided to see what it was all about." I smiled.
I wanted to say goodbye and quickly leave but Ski grabbed me to his side. "X! Vro!" He yelled.
X turned around in curiosity his eyes finding Ski, and then me, tucked into Ski's side.
Jah looked confused at first but quickly left the brunette behind, pushing through everyone to get to Ski and I.
I panicked and pushed past Ski, B lining to the exit from backstage. When I pushed the black curtains back large amounts of people were waiting in the previously vacant area. So I turned back, to find another exit on the other side of the stage but when I burst back through the curtain I was met by a bare chest. I looked up at X. Frozen with embarrassment and a little anger.
I know I had no claim on him. But it didn't hurt any less that he was clearly with the brunette he'd kissed. When I'm in town, we're together.
His words echoed through my head. That was what we agreed. And we weren't in key west anymore. Of course he had a Miami girl.
"What are you doing here?" Was all he asked, he seemed excited, also concerned.
I was so flustered, "I came to surprise you, sorry." I stumbled over the words.
X frowned, "Why are you sorry?"
I sighed softly, "I didn't know that you would have someone else.. I didn't mean to interrupt you with that girl." I was looking from him to the ground like it would hopefully open up and swallow me.
"She's just some bitch, I wouldn't have invited her if I knew you were coming" he reached out to put his hands in my hair.
I grabbed them quickly before he could and shook my head laughing to cover up my nervousness, "Yeah.. look I was just going to go. I think this was a mistake." I said softly before letting go of his hands, the feeling of his skin set me alight.
X frowned and stood back from me, "Are you fucking with me?"
I was taken back by his anger but I tried to smile like everything was just a big misunderstanding which it clearly was, "I should've told you I was coming, you should get back to everyone, all of the other artists, to party and stuff. I've gotta get back home anyway." I just wanted to leave. The worst part was I knew it was all fine for X but I felt so out of place. I still saw him as Jahseh, but here he was xxxtentacion and I didn't know how to react to everyone else seeing him as that. How embarrassing to be the clueless housekeeper that fell for such a wanted man like everyone else did.
X surprised me when he smirked but with anger.
"It's like that is it?" He muttered looking at me.
My heart sunk again.
I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.
"X.." I started but he scoffed, and it sent me silent again.
"I thought it was Jah? Or baby?" He scolded.
I felt the lump in my throat, I knew now why he was angry.
"So before you go do you want a photograph or autograph?" He continued in a condescending tone.
The lump in my throat turned to anger to match his.
"Fuck you." I spat
"Nah now you got me fucked up." He sighed, rolling his eyes and stepped back another pace.
"You know I don't see you as xxxtentacion, but they all do. That's what the problem is." I explained in frustration.
"Then maybe you shouldn't buy a backstage pass to meet xxxtentacion." He sighed before taking another few steps back and walking off, punching the wall harshly as he disappeared from my view.
I stood in silence for a moment before shaking my head and storming off out of the backstage area.
-
I'd made it back to my motel within an hour, sitting in the shower for a while, not really processing what had happened at the concert. I sighed, I really just fucked it up. It took me all of fifteen minutes to ruin everything. I wanted to call Seb but I knew the right thing to do was let him pretend that right now I was with X being romantic and meeting all of his friends.
I doubt that would've happened even if I hadn't messed it all up. I knew where I stood. I was below the poverty line, stupid girl that fell in love with someone who was too good for them. I sighed softly, wrapping my hair in a towel and pulling on panties, and a over sized band T shirt that was dress length.
I had only just wiped the toothpaste foam from my lips when there was a loud knocking at the door or the motel room. I pulled the towel from my hair, throwing it on the bed as I went past it to open the door.
X stood, now in a shirt.
I looked down in embarrassment again.
"Hi.." I squeaked softly.
"Can I?" He exhaled softly, looking over me and then into the room.
I bit my lip, I didn't know what to say so I just stood back so he could come in.
X walked in and sat on the bed, watching me as I closed the door.
Seeing him here just reignited the flame of emotion he owned in my chest.
I leaned on the door softly, pushing my hand through my hair before looking up from my bare legs to him.
"What was that about?" He asked before I could apologise. He sounded confused and disappointed.
I sighed and shook my head, "I just freaked out. Everyone had a place backstage. And I was just the stupid girl that was too in love to see how embarrassingly naive I was to come here." I explained.
"So you thinking you're stupid for loving me?" X said coldly.
"No!" I burst out, "Of course not! I just think everyone backstage would've thought you had a model or something waiting for you backstage. Not a resort cleaner in a cheap dress.." I shrugged.
"Fuck everyone else D. I just thought we were deeper than that, I thought you didn't see someone famous.. I thought you saw me.." he sighed in frustration.
I walked over and sat across from him on a chair.
I pulled my cigarettes from the table next to me and lit one, X moved to sit across from me on the other seat, he lit a cigarette as well.
"I never saw you as someone famous, but I knew everyone else did and I was scared they would be embarrassed for you." I flicked my smoke into the ashtray in the middle of the table.
"Everyone else backstage today came from the same situations we did, poor, bad neighbourhood.. abused or not wanted, struggling parents, single parents or both. You judged a whole room and situation on just your insecurity." He explained to me.
He was right of course, but I wouldn't have connected those dots myself for a while though if he hadn't of said it.
"You're right.. I'm sorry." I exhaled putting my head in my free hand.
"I thought you were deeper than that shawty." He leaned forward over the table at me.
I looked up at him from my hand and let it drop back down onto the table between us.
"Hey, cut me some slack.. I'm used to cleaning and serving anyone earning six figures. I've never been shoulder to shoulder with them. I just want to be good enough for you." I shrugged, peeking up at him.
X grabbed my hand with his, "If you saw yourself how I do you would never of felt like a poor person in the wing. And if currency was what's inside all of us, you'd be pretty rich shawt." He raised my hand to his mouth and kissed it.
I dropped my cigarette in the ashtray, walking over to straddle him in the seat, immediately flush against his chest with my face in his neck, X's arms wrapped tightly around me.
I let out a long deep breath, like I'd been holding it in since he left Key West.
"Wait, you're ankle monitor! Won't they arrest you for being here?" I sat up to look at him.
"Nah, I told the officer I was making a stop and he signed off on it as 'visit to girlfriends residence' he'll kick me out soon though, I'm only supposed to be in here for twenty."
I looked at the door and nodded, I felt the insecurity build again that X was going to leave once again.
"So are you taking me with?" I looked at him with big eyes.
X smirked while his hand rubbed circles over my hip, "If you behave yourself.."
I rolled my eyes at him, but her caught my chin between two fingers roughly, forcing my eyes to his.
"Don't roll your eyes at me." He murmured coldly.
I felt the familiar tingle between my legs,
"Yes sir." My answer was met by his smile, he was proud of himself clearly.
"Of course you're coming with me. I got a hotel in the city, we'll crash there until you go home."
"I'm sorry about today.." I whispered softly, tracing over the words on his arm "wing ridden angel"
"It's kosher, just please don't do it again. I was so scared that you had just changed your opinion type shit. Like you saw me as what everyone else did." He explained.
"I don't think I could ever see you as the famous rapper, I'm sure I could see you act like it. But you'll always be Jah to me.." I pushed some blonde dreads from his forehead, laying a kiss to it softly.
Jah was about to speak but we heard a knock from the door again.
"That's my escort, c'mon grab your stuff and we'll go. I have a car out there now to take us."
And like that we were back to being blissfully in love and flawless to one another. I guess I wouldn't have to lie to Seb yet.