Today was...ok. I talked to josh some. He said he wanted pics but I said no. I'm not like tht and he blocked me. I've known him forever and I've gone through so much with him. He just doesn't care anymore. But guess what??? I CARE. I haven't slept in days cus I've been crying my heart out over him.
I wish I could get over him. I'm losing this battle.
I weighed myself today.... I've gained 20lbs. I tried purging but my mom caught me. I want to be skinny. I want to be pretty. Maybe if I was pretty and skinny I would be liked. All people see are my scars. All they see is scars and ugliness and fatness and depression. My smiles are fake. My laughs are fake. I'm fake. I'm a big fake.
People need to realize that words hurt. How many suicides will it take to get that through people's heads??? I've been bullied since 1st grade and I'm in high school!!
I'm losing hope. I'm losing this battle and I want to give up. I'm giving up. I'm done fighting my demons.
Sheesh, I wish it was that easy.. I have a sister and 2 brothers.. They need me. It's just me and my mom and them.... I can't end it. Ever. I will always be fighting.
YOU ARE READING
Journal.
RandomOk, so I need to write. Write out all my feelings. Some stuff I will keep to myself. But I want everyone to see what it's like to be me. I won't write everyday but I will write.
