Journal.

7-29-14

this whole life thing is pretty damn hard.

I don't know what do to anymore. I'm ok, but I'm not truly ok. I can't just be happy all of a sudden. Stuff will have to change to make me happy.

I'm getting a little worse. Like, I was fine, then this whole josh thing happened. That just crushed me. And I'm still heart broken.

Done.

Looks like it'll be a sleepless night. I ran out of pages in my sketchbook. I don't have anything to write in. I guess Im alone tonight. Alone with my mind. Alone with these demons. I just want to cry right now. I want Matt back. I want to see him again and hug him again and just see his smile. I can never forget the fun times with him. I don't love him. Not anymore. But I miss him. I miss him so much. He was my first true love. My first real boyfriend. My first heart break. He broke my heart. And I hate him for that. But at the same time, I forgive him. Cus if he would have never have left, I wouldn't be where I am now. I've fallen for someone else. Yea, ik, I'll get my heart broken by him too... But, it's worth it:) it will make me stronger. Everything happens for a reason.

My thoughts are eating me alive. They are slowly and painfully killing me. It's like someone set fire to me on the inside. I'm becoming less social. I'm becoming a darker person. It's happening again. Can someone help?

I just found my journals from treatment. I'm scared to read them..

I'm stuck in a dream tht I'm ok.

I don't see the point anymore. I just don't.

Why try when I fail at everything!?

WHY ME!!?? what's wrong with me?!!!