light// 5sos [luke]

iii

it was getting colder. soon summer would be over and autumn will arrive. and then what will happen to her? will she travel down south like some of her aquaintances? or will she seek shelter in the city? migrating like a senseless bird did not look appealing to her so she decided that she would be a bear going into hibernation instead. she rooted in her pocket for a piece of paper and a pen. after pulling out a napkin and a chewed up nub of an old pencil, she started writing down what she needed, what she had, what she wanted.  she needed her little crystal friends. alot of them too because her dealer was a bird and she was a bear. she needed shelter and she would go look for a trustworthy place later.  she needed money to buy food and warmer clothing, as well as some of her buddies. lastly, she needed a real friend, but she did not write this down, nor realize the fact of how badly she needed someone to talk to.

she needed someone who would listen to her. who would hold her while she cried. who would help her take down her inner walls and become something again.  if she had had a friend,a true friend, before this had started, nothing would have happened. however,she lost all her friends after grade school. they grew up while she detoriated and became the friendless, cold, distant thing she was today. if only she had one person who actually cared, then everything would be different. but to her, this need for an aquaintance was not urgent nor neccessary for survival in the wild.  it was a luxury that she simply could not afford at the moment or in her foreseeable future. so she caved into herself and came to rely on only her shallow thoughts, grumbling stomache, pangs of withdrawal, and need for shelter. she started relying purily on pain.

she knew this too, or at least the part of her that still remembered how things used to be did. but this part was miniscule compared to all the other voices in her head so she ignored it and went on living the way she did. this ignorance was why she was in the middle of some park sitting on some bench planning for some season that she might not even survive. 

she shifted on the bench and pulled her knees up to her chest. her mind started to wander and before she could stop it, her train of thought had burst past her inner walls and she started remembering the past. bu not the happy past, but the past that had brought her to the present. as much as she hated to admit it, she was never happy. maybe as a young child, but never after the age of 13. after then her life started to crumble. her parents started to ignore her, so she turned to the blade. and then to drugs. and then to something else entirely. she did not even know what happiness was anymore. she thought it was the feeling she got while she was high, but that certainly was not it. she did not remember how to laugh until her stomache hurt,or how it felt to smile from ear to ear, or the feeling of pure and quiet bliss. and maybe this was the biggest tragedy of all. 

but for someone who had very little time to do anything but try to survive, happiness was just an unachievable dream. so, she never even bothered dwelling on the fact that she was just an emotionless walking skeleton. what she did think about though, and she definently thought about this alot, was how to get away with stuff. how to get free food. how to get free clothes. how to get a cheaper smoke. how to get a better deal from the eyes. and when an opportunity came up, she was sure to snatch it. so, when she saw the business man on the park bench across from hers dose off to sleep, she quickly snatched up his jacket and hurried on her way.

but truthfully, she had nowhere to hurry to. she had noone, nothing. all she had really were distant memories and an emptiness inside that she believed she would be stuck with for the rest of her sorry life.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

this chapter was just a filler.i know it's really boring but i promise theyre not all bad like this. the little details in this are v imp though so make sure to pay attention to them.

anyway thanks for reading. comment some stuff that happened to you today so i can connect with you all.

make sure to vote, comment, follow, and share this story because i'm very proud of it and i'm rarely happy with anything i do.

love you lots

eva