Lost & Insecure

Seventeen - That Should Be Me

A couple days had passed since Eddie's run in with Katie, and he hadn't seen her around school. After arriving home that afternoon, no more than five minutes had passed before the doorbell rang. Eddie had already made his way up the stairs, so Dana was the one who was forced to answer it. She opened the door and blankly stared at the figure in front of her. Only one word managed to escape from Katie's mouth. "Hey," she sent Dana a small smile.

"She speaks! And with no accusations whatsoever!" Dana jokingly taunted Katie.

Dana's teasing pulled a small smile out of Katie. "I know, I know." She rolled her eyes, making fun of herself. "Sorry about that."

"Don't apologize, Katie." Dana chuckled slightly. "Fix it."

It had only been a week since Katie and Dana last spoke, but it had been over four weeks since they really talked. Katie would have made an effort to speak to Dana Friday night at the concert, but Dana was too busy working.

Katie didn't like the awkward silences that were shared between her and Dana. They were the kinds of awkward silences you experience when there's so much to say, but no one is actually speaking. It was the kind of silence where Katie could hear her thoughts screaming to get out, but her mouth wouldn't open and those thoughts couldn't escape.

"I've been a jerk lately, I know that." Katie finally heard herself confessing. "Look," she sighed, her words refusing to be spoken. "Can we just go somewhere and talk?"

Dana thought about Katie's proposal for a second. "Sure," Dana felt herself sigh. She didn't want to go somewhere, and she didn't want to talk. All she wanted to do was forget about Katie and move on. But there was something about Katie. Something about her kept pulling Dana in, no matter how hard she tried to push away. "Where?"

Katie smirked at Dana's question. "Anywhere," she answered with a smile.

"I'll go get my keys."

"So..." Dana's voice broke through another one of their awkward silences.

Dana and Katie were leaning against the front of Dana's car, watching the world below. Katie smiled to herself, remembering the last time she was there. Dana had her arms crossed out of discomfort and awkwardness.

Dana turned her head to look at Katie. "Is there something you wanted to tell me?" Katie shrugged. Dana waited for a response, but had no such luck. "Okay then," she mumbled, uncomfortably nodding her head slowly and returning her gaze to the town below.

Katie and Dana stood in silence for a while, watching the sun set over the western mountains across town that somehow managed to feel so close to them. Dana's uncomfortable feeling disappeared and she released her hands from across her chest to bury them into her pockets.

"Why can't I stop thinking about you?" Katie's voice hit Dana like a ton of bricks. Dana shifted her eyes to Katie who was now staring at the ground, gently kicking dirt with her foot. Katie lifted her gaze to meet Dana's, but remained quiet. Dana clenched her jaw, holding back words. "I can't read your mind, Dana, so just say it. Tell me whatever you're thinking. I can handle it."

Dana prepared herself to speak, but only managed to release a small chuckle and shake her head. "You don't understand how much I hate you right now." Another chuckle escaped Dana causing Katie to furrow her eyebrow in confusion. Dana looked at Katie, clenched her jaw once more, swallowed and spoke up. "We meet and you act like you want nothing to do with me. You even told me to stay away from you, and then you kiss me out of nowhere and tell me you want to be with me, and then you turn around and treat me like I don't exist. I just don't get it. And the worst part is you make me so angry and you push me away, but then you say one thing, just one, and it's stupid and cliché but you pull me in again...wanting to believe you and trust you and..." Dana cut herself off.