Players Regret

Chapter 12

Quanae P.O.V

"You know I still wanna marry you bae. I gave you that ring to keep on until I was able to replace it with our wedding ring, not for you to take off. Ever." Dj spoke as we laid cuddled up in the bed.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn't think marriage was for Dj. It just didn't seem right. Was I sure I could marry him? He hurt me so many times. Him hurting me, caused me to be with someone else who also hurt me. I've actually been hurt so much, I don't know how it feels, to feel good. It's becoming a natural feeling for me.

"Dj. No disrespect. I don't think marriage is for us." I said looking up into his eyes, and rubbing the back of his hand. "I love you. I really do. No one could ever say I don't or didn't, but I think I love you too much. I think i'm looking for love in all the wrong places."

He went dead silent. It scared me. I just knew I broke his heart. "Get up." He managed to get out. I looked at him with confusion. "Get up." He said again. I did as told and got off the bed. "Not off the bed goofy." He pulled me back on the bed, and in between his legs, then turned me around so that I was looking at him. 

"No matter if we married, or just committed. We're together. You're mines and that's bond." He told me with all seriousness. I heard what he was saying but for some reason... I wasn't feeling it.

"I get what you saying Dj, but how do I know your honest? I wanna get married. I wanna be able to have a day all about us, to celebrate every year. I wanna be able to look down at my finger everyday and say "I'm happily married". I wanna be able to have kids and tell them how mama and daddy got married, but I also wanna live with integrity. I wanna still have my confidence as a woman. I don't ever want to let a nigga down me because I wasn't enough. I think i'm a damn good girlfriend that's looking for a committed relationship, I just don't think that's who you want to spend your life with deep down..." I aired everything that I was thinking. Everything that's been on my chest, and it felt good, but if it felt good, why was I crying?

"I don't ever want you to fell less than a woman. I love you Quanae and there's no doubt about i-" I cut him off before he could finish.

"If there's no doubt... Why did you doubt it? Why did you tell Tish ALL of your feelings about me? Why did you make me feel less than a woman when you said I had broken your relationship with your family and I was possibly not the woman you wanted to marry. That it was a mistake? You can't pick when you want me Dj. If this is a relationship, it's a mutual thing. Not one sided. I'm sick of not having a voice. This is your last chance, and i'm so serious. If you can prove to me, this is what you want. I'll marry you, and dedicate my life to you. Otherwise, i'm leaving. I'll go to Texas and never come back. My uncle has already received the call that I was coming down there. I can easily call him back." I informed him. I wanted him to know Quanae no longer needed a nigga to get by in her life. She was becoming independent, with no ex's in her path, she would be able to succeed. 

I guess I got him good, cause it took a while for him to respond. "I told you why. I was just venting and needed to air shit out, ya know? It wasn't meant for you to hear. No offensive. I'm kind of glad your telling me this. It shows you've grown and became a woman. It's kinda turnin me on." He smirked then ran his hands down his body. 

I busted out laughing. We were having a serious moment, leave it to him to make shit nasty. I shook my head and got out of his embrace. "Shut up nasty, and get up. It's 2 pm, and we still not dressed." I went to the closet to look through the clothes to find something to wear. "Where we gonna go?" I asked before I got a gulp in my chest. I quickly ran to the bathroom and emptied my insides. I can't remember the last time I actually ate. 

"You okay?" Dj asked walking into the bathroom behind me and pulling my hair back. I wasn't able to speak because more just kept coming. Once I was finished, I flushed the toilet, and went to brush my teeth and gargle with mouth wash. "Maybe you should go lay down."