Friends and other things.

Part 7 (Hurting)

Today I woke up in my own bed. It felt good. I got up and walked downstairs. Mom and Lucas were  allready up.

-"Goodmorning" I said as I stepped in to kitchen...
-"Hi. How are you fealing?" Mom asked...
-"I am ok" I smiled and sat down...
-"Today is your first Chemo" Lucas said...
-"I know" 

I ate breakfast and went upstairs to change.
Few minutes later I was ready to go to hospital.
We got to the hospital. Before going in we sat in the car...

-"This is gonna be hard isn't it?" I asked mom...
-"Karly" she started...
-"I mean.. when dad had cancer. It was hard. And I remember him screaming from pain. I remember him crying while noone saw.  But I did. I sat on the other side of the door and cried too." I said and tears started to form in my eyes...
-"It was hard. And I remember those nights. All the screaming and crying. I do. And it hurts to remember it. But when we found out he was allready in second stage" she said...
-"But that doesn't change the fact that it's gonna hurt. That my body wont take the chemo. That I am gonna die because of cancer" I said sobbing...
-"Listen. You. You are not gonna die. Ok? If I loose you.. no. You father was enough loss for our family. You won't die. You are strong and you will fight. I need you to fight" mom said and started to cry...
-"I know. And I will. Mommy I want to live. I do" I said...
-"I know baby girl, I know" she said as she pulled me in a hug...

We sat in a car for a few minutes, so that noone can tell that we cried. We walked in the hospital and hedded to my doctors office.
He told us everything. How it's gonna go. My bodys reaction. Everything...

-"Ok Karly your mom will go and sign some papers. And you can head to room 234. Wait for nurse. She will give you hospital shirt. And then I will join you" doctor saud as I walked out...

I walked out and went to room 234. Mom still staud in the doctors room.

-"I think you should sign her up to cancer group" doctor said...
-"Cancer group?" Mom asked...
-"Yes. It's a group of people who have cancer. Young and old. They meet up once a week. It would be good. She could talk about her pain with the. You know, because they are fealing the same thing. And I know your husband didn't join, but it would be better for Karly. Because no matter how suportive you are, you wount understand her pain" dovtor said...
-"Where can I sign her up?" Mom asked...
-"While you sign the Chemo papers, ask the lady behind desk. Sghe will tell you" doctor said...
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I changed in to hospital wear. Few momemts later my chemo started...
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Few hours later I was done. I walked out and mom was waiting for me. We got in the car.

-"How do you feal?" Mom asked...
-"Tiered" I answered...
-"I signed you up to cancer group" she spit it out...
-"What? A cancer group. I am not going" I said mad...
-"Yes you are." Mom said...
-"I wont go. I do not want to" I said and got more mad...
-"But I said you will. End of discussion" mom yelled and let few tears drop...

The drive home was silent.

I walked in the house and saw Lucas sitting on the couch.

-"Lucas can I ask you something. A favor?" I said as I sat next to him...
-"sure. Anything" he answered...
-"Will you please run ti the store and get me some snacks. Chips, cookies, anything. Oh and on your way back, please get Karen. Tell her that I need girls night. Please?" I asked...
-"Sure." He said and got up. But before he left he leaned down and kissed my forhead...

When Lucas left I walked upstairs to my room. I cleaned it little bit.

About an hour later Lucas was back with food and Karen. I walked downstairs and told Karen to grab snacks and come upstairs.

-"So how are you fealing?" Karen asked...
-"Awfull" I said and felt the tears start to form...
-"I wish I could help you" she said...
-"I know. I just. I want to spent more time with yoy while I can.  I will get very tiered after chemo. So. And we have a lot of thing to talk about" I said and oppened the bag of chips...
-"I will start by saying I didn't know anything about Anny. You know paying Alex"
-"I believe you. I just. I tought she was my friend. But it seems that she isn't." I said...
-"What about Alex? He has been calling and texting bouth me and Lucas. You don't want to talk to him?" She asked...
-"No. I am still angry. And what could he possibly tell me? How much she paid him?" I said and few tears left my eyes...
-"Oh Karly."
-"No. No babying me. I am ok. Besides mom signed me up to some cancer group. And I need to go tomorrow" I said...
-"Maybe it wont be so bad. They will understand your pain. And they will prepere you for what's to come" Karen said and grabbed my arm...
-"Yeah. I guess you're right" I smiled...

We talked about few other girl things and went to bed.