At His Mercy

21

6 years ago. .
She is asleep, I can hear her breathing deep and slow. I move my hand from around her waist till it rests on her stomach. I glide my fingers over the silky concave skin. one day I want to feel the swell of our child growing there. I lean down and kiss her stomach and then rest my head on it, thinking about the future in the glowing light of the afternoon sun, which is coming through the curtains.

I'm right, there are bruises on her hips, 3 circles of purple and green, where some of my fingers have left a mark.
I watch her through the mirror in the dressing room as I wind my tie , she comes in behind me, in her underwear, opening up the cupboard and pulling out the first outfit, without even looking at it. Distracted or indifferent, it's hard to tell as her face is impassive. Mechanically she dresses and doesn't say anything, pulling her wet hair to the side as she straps on some shoes.
I pick up the belt from the top of the drawer where I left it last night and thread it through the loops in my trousers. I sense her watching me whilst I do it, probably remembering last night and the feel of it around her throat.
I take off the suit blazer from the hanger to my right, turn and leave without looking at her.
I dont like being manipulated and this feels a lot like that. Being a victim and messing with my head won't work. If she wants to sulk then fair enough, she can, but I'm not going to reward her with any attention for it.
I dont stay for breakfast. I know I should - to show everything is normal. But I have enough to do today.
As we hit the morning traffic I turn my attention to last night. Aya.
sitting at my feet. . . stretched out on the bed with her hands locked above her. . . squeezing her legs around my hand. . . . . Kneeling at the edge of the bed. I'm hard just thinking about it. Even now she has control over me. The thought is immediately sobering.
I'm being reckless ag
ain. I did the same thing 5 years ago. I was supposed to be using protection and I was, but sometimes I would get caught in the moment, there were the times when we were sleep and I would suddenly awaken and take her, or in the shower. the more familiar we became the more relaxed we were- with everything. We had medical degrees to complete, yet here I was- asking for trouble. Perhaps deep down I didn't care. Knew I was going to take care of her no matter what.

Now, Ive done it again. I'm playing with fire. She's supposed to be taking the pill, but it won't be working for the next 7 days, and what am I doing? asking for trouble. What kind of weird messed up crap is that? Getting a hard on at the thought of my cum inside her?! I shake my head, this is some primal alpha male rubbish. I don't need to prove anything to anyone- least of all myself. I need to reign it all in. The plan was to stay in control.

The curve of her neck, the pull of leather wrapped around my hand. . . . Oh god, I should have dealt with this business this morning, now I'm going to have a hard on all day.

I think about what's sitting on the top shelf in one of the cupboards in my dressing room and grin grimly. It's just the beginning.

I cared for her, gave her everything and all she did was let me down and show me how selfish she could really be. How had I ever imagined we were close? when it came to the crunch she only thought of herself. This holier than thou act has to stop. she can pretend as much as she wants to be the perfect daughter in law, or charismatic hostess. But that doesn't change the facts; she is still at my disposal for the next 3 months. I'm not the same obsequious fool she thinks I am.

I'm going to make her disappear. She will be a living breathing doll. I need to take control of her so I can take control of myself. I've given her too much control in the past, I won't make the same mistake again. Aya doesn't know what she's done to me. Not yet.