At His Mercy

epilogue

Sometimes there is just no way to swim against the tide.

I lie in bed and think of the family that Adam and I have created. The children, friendships we have forged and it seems an impossibly perfect world. I'm not a believer in happy endings- but here it is. I'm living in one.

Are there days when I feel the anxiety of the unknown crushing me? yes absolutely! Adam says we've endured enough, had our fair share of bad luck, we deserve all the good in the world. I am inclined to believe him. The quiet sniffles and gentle breathing can be heard in the cot beside my bed. I snake my hand in between the wooden cot spindles and touch the softest, warmest, squishiest arm ever. A feeling of joy fills me inside. The tiniest fingers clasp around my hand like a Venus fly trap and I smile.

This fragile truce between us had been so precarious, I had worried what would happen when the stresses and strains of having a child would kick in. would we be crushed by tempestuous arguments from sleep deprivation, would we argue over the 'hows' of raising our children. Instead, miraculously, we just fell into an almost effortlessly seamless routine.

It turns out the children seem to have cemented our relationship. Both Hannah and Zaki seem to have bought only blessings with them. Hannah being two years younger than Zaki has the edge in cuteness points, her brother is more serious, solemn like his father. He is happy to sit and work through toys and puzzles and finds comfort in his father's company. Ami Ji says he's a clone of his father. No surprises there then. Hannah at 10 months is the sweetest, smiliest baby I've ever seen. Completely different in nature. I tell Ami Ji that she reminds me of her. Its true. They are like peas in a pod and adore each other.

whenever I look at Adam I feel surprised, like I am suddenly realising that we seem to have made it. I know he feels that same wonder, tinged with moments of disbelief. We came so close to ending, throwing in the towel and going our separate ways- yet somehow managed to muddle along this path of uncertainty. I don't know what will happen in the future. Whether we will make it. perhaps that's what keeps us trying and appreciating what we have.

I turn to Adam, snuggle into his side as he wraps his arm around me.

'Adam', I whisper 'I'm so glad I gambled my life away on you!'

'Uh huh' he says, squeezing his arm around me, but I turn to see the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile and know I'm home.