Almost.

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

 

I had no sanity inside me.

It was emptiness that clouded over insanity. A deep dark road was casted throughout my body and it all was engrossed by different cycles of insanity. It came in waves, starting off as something simple, calm and quiet until it developed into something larger, something that was in no use of fighting over. It swept over me and crashed my sanity into little itsy pieces that now lay on the floor of wherever I may stand. There was no way to rid of my insanity and there was no cure to bring back my sanity. I was kept hidden, my emotions and feelings were drained out of me.

It was difficult to breathe. To let the carbon dioxide flood within me only for me to release it in a matter of a few seconds. My lungs couldn’t take the suspense of breathing. It was difficult and laborious. My mind would turn off like a computer when the power had flashed out. I couldn’t think for a certain amount of time. I couldn’t breathe or even speak. The idea of it was all too earth-shattering.

Like a dream with no ending. It was once so heartfelt, so truly amazing, so predictable, so perfect that even the largest and most perfidious thing couldn’t make it change. Then, like a flash of lightening the whole thing became discombobulated. It becomes something you’d see in nightmares, it’s a dream turning to a nightmare. It becomes so terrifying to the eye, so petrifyingly horrid, so insignificantly dreadful that the world of perfect and heartfelt were killed.

It was an ongoing dream, a neverending nightmare that had awaken me that specific time during the night. It was a dream that made my knees became enfeeble and my heart was lurched in my throat. My body became saturated and my pajamas clung to my skin. My heart was pounding against my chest as I worked my way from underneath my heavy covers.

It was natural. The dreams that had twisted into something horrid, something known as a nightmare but these were worse.  

It starts with a meadow. Dew is sparkling on the grass making it look like glass that’s just been cleaned and shimmers in the sunlight. Flowers outline the grass and hide in places, playing  hide-and-go-seek with me. The sun is piled high in the sky and burns my skin as it lays on it effortlessly. My whole body is tenseless. It’s relaxing and a perfect day. The sun’s out and the meadow is as beautiful as ever. Then there’s that scream.

It’s a curling scream. One that brings your palms to your ears and your knees to the ground. One that curls you into a small ball on the ground, it’s weakening in the knees and blood curlingly loud. It’s a holler, a roar for help. A shriek of pain. And it’s calling out my name. Holding on to the last thread of their words and they shout out my name. A girl’s name that’s attached to a girl that can’t help. A weak, vulnerable girl that had no chance of winning.

It attracts me. Sends a signal running through my body. A tickle that erupts a laugh in my system, except this scream erupts a threatening state, one that I had gone without being affected by. I walked towards the source of the noise. The loud echo of the voice is my only concentration. My ears seem to be open and wide as I walk. I close my eyes and breathe in the freshly cut grass and the enchanting twist of flowers.

As I walk, the grass skims my feet, leaving a stray wet spot or a drop of dew planted on the soles. The flowers grow and trap me in a land of hallucination. I was Alice, I had fallen down the road of destruction.  I had been driven so far that I had landed in a mixed up world of emotions and reality. The only problem was that I didn’t know the difference between reality and a dream, a nightmare. I had become the problem, I was the string that was holding everyone back, I was the knot in hair that everybody hated, I was the bottle someone stepped on and caused them to get stitches. I was the destruction, I was that and I didn’t know the cure to it all.