Almost.

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

 

When certain things happen they tend to affect the way you look at things. You could see them with clearness and something deep beneath your eyes. It could be unfocused and blurry, hazy. It could be red, white hot lines of anger, red anger. It could be wet salty water leaking from the creases of your eyes, tears as hot as the Sahara Desert. What ever the effect it has upon you, the result is normally the same.

You always get busted.   

You get lost. A dream without any noises or shapes or forms or clearness. It’s a haze of different scenarios. It’s an addiction. Some sort of hallucination that spirals into a dreary midst of a nearly impossible escape from the art of addiction. You feel sick. Your stomach distorts and rotates in a whirl of emotions. A swirl of feelings. It’s all there, the sadness enticing throughout you, the anger pacing on your bones, the love seeping onto your skin. It’ deepens and take you into the dark with it. It’s an escape, a way out so you follow. An endless path of concrete flows in front of you and you have to chose the route of your escape.

The first way is a way to the light. A light that will leave you blind. Blinded by love. Blinded by certain emotions you didn’t realize you could ever have. It crawls at your skin, burns your bones and withers you away. It’s a way out but it’s a dangerous route. One that you would never be able to relate to with your regular life. But it’s not enough. It’s not the same as your normal life, it’s better. It saves you, thrives for you to join this certain group, this escape route. It almost hypnotizes you into believing the words they barely utter.

The second way is a dark path to nothingness. It’s an empty space of blackness, but it’s welcoming. It holds your gaze till you can barely blink away from it, afraid you’ll miss the nothingness that will come within it. It bleeds towards you, grasps onto your skin, oozing onto you. It’s like an instinct, something hits you and you automatically thrive towards this darkness. It craves for you to walk down the road, taking in the sound of your footsteps, the beat of your ongoing heart, the slowing of your chest. It breathes you in and now you have no choice. You’re stuck.

Sucked into a land of isolation and emptiness.

Those to paths were the leading routes that gather the theories I retaliate inside my mind. It’s a world of emptiness but within it is a whole view of everything deep within this land, this world. I wish I could bury myself underneath the concrete of the solid roads and lives in the sand, in the grains of small itchy particles. It would be easier, so much simpler than trying to fake smiles and acting as if nothing hurts in this world.

I want to cradle my body and sink lower into the town of stillness, no noise, no people, no faces, nothing. Just a dead, ongoing silence that entices through your whole body and lays lightly against your bones, licking and pressing against it. I want that. The nothingness, the stillness, the silence. I need everything to shut down, everyone to be shut out. I need it all to stop, for an end to escalate. It would be amazing. Listening to that unbroken, ceaseless silence. It’s inescapable.

I could feel the frigid breeze against my bare arms as I moved within the dark outside world. My hair was skimming over my back, itching at my back. The air was nipping at my neck, creating a trail of goosebumps to ride along my skin. It’s nearing the edge of night and the sky’s black, cloudless and draping over us in a sheet of rain. I can nearly feel the pelts of drops as my arms frost to a dull numbness and my body quivers with the frigid weather.

Savannah’s teeth are chattering together like a stadium cheering on two strong fighters. She’s bundling herself together in a heap of coldness. Her arms crossing over one another as she tries to transfer some heat to her numb skin. Kimmy walks fast and wobbly with her clinking heels upon her feet and her tank top skimming over her body. She’s freezing, racing to the car as Savannah fiddles with keys in her shaken hands to unlock it. We’re all chilled to the bone with the slick rain and the cold drenching us.