Almost.

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

 

Jolene had a knack for avoiding people. She was good at looking at a person, staring even for a long periods of time and then glancing away the minute they tried to catch her. She wasn’t staring or trying to figure you out, examine you in any way, just merely avoiding you to the point where she couldn’t handle it anymore and spilled. She toppled over and broken down, stating her reasons behind it all and how big of a mistake it was. In the end, she ended with no one. She avoided people.

I had a method of emptying myself. Ridding of all emotion of my eyes and cleaning the dirty feelings from my body. It etched out, burned my skin and flamed my bones. Emotions and feelings were the death of me. They crawled at my skin and attacked when I was least expecting it. No one was able to see the horrid words that echoed through my head. I was an empty book, a page with no writing. A book with no words.

Jolenes habits got used to around the house. Everyone expected her to shut out, to shut down and become numb. She was like a zombie, becoming shut down of everything she ever felt. She craved the feeling of knowing, she loved ‘what if’s.’ Somehow they excited her, bleed in her own blood and layered onto her skin. She made it difficult to cope, difficult to feel anything but she longs for the feeling to feel everything.

I was always someone who could easily show my emotions. In a snap of a finger, a blink of an eye, a change in the weather, I was that easy to see through. My exterior was thin, it never needed to be thick. I never needed a reason to hide myself, to show myself in a different light. I never had a reason to become someone I’m not. I longed for the feeling to not feel at all. A new light was shifted into my line of darkness and I had accepted it for now, but as the days grow longer and the nights turn shorter, I can feel the darkness taking over that itty bit of light I really have.

We were polar opposites. But now, we had switched roles.

I wasn’t exposed like Jake had pestered on about. I had found a way past the light and curved myself into a world of blackness. I had gazed into the mirror long after the events of the night was dismissed from my mind but Jakes words were still there. Still pounding on my skull and reminding me of his simple threat of warning. I could feel my skin curl and my lips thin when it comes back to me, surging through my head like a permanent headache that never dulls or escalates in any way.

My eyes were monotonous and gloomy, lacking of emotion. My hair was matted and tangled. I had purple and black cups outlining the skin just beneath my eyes. Everything was mess except for my eyes. For once in my life, I couldn’t feel anything other than numbness. The pain that I knew would overpower me throughout the day, the week wasn’t there when I was waiting for it. My eyes stayed neutral. My body slacked and I was absent of emotion. It was obvious I had changed. But no one knew if it was for the better or the worse.

Jolene had gained some emotion in her eyes. They lit with such fire and energy it was as if she was a completely different person. I had to glance at her twice to make sure I was speaking to the same person I’ve known my whole life as being restrictive and reserved. Her body was tensionless and her eyes were clear and unmasked. She actually smiled. It was the first time I’ve seen my sister smile since she got her braces cut off when she was in eighth grade. She looked happy and lighthearted, as if nothing could stand in her way.

I on the other hand was restrictive for once.

School became a constant pain as the days went by. I could feel my body yearning for it all to end deeply. My head was aching and my body was numb. I had been bumped and thrown into the lockers or the wall multiple times this week and each time the pain would never come. It was erased from my body. It became a constant game for Jake. He stared at me for long periods of time, as if he was wondering who I was becoming from who I was before. He sat beside me in almost every subject we had together and never once did he look away from my frame. His eyes lit when I met them and his smirk crept upon his features, making his demon like features stand out even more during the daylight.