Dear Bully, (Brandon Rowland fanfiction)

Note #55

(Hunter's POV)

This is all my fault, I should've been there for her like a real friend would've done. I'm so useless at times.

Tomorrow there will by an assembly at Brandon's school because of what happened to Jamie. They're doing a powerpoint on suicide. Pretty dumb they start talking and worrying about that now. Parents and students will be there. I'm also going because mom wants me to be there.

Ashton is not going though, we're trying to hide the fact that Jamie is in the hospital right now from him. Me and mom don't want him to be hurt about the whole situation.

Mom was getting her keys and purse ready to leave to work. She's been busy working to make money so she can help out paying the medical bills for Jamie.

"Are you willing to not go to school and take care of Ashton for today?" , she asked. "Uh...why isn't Ashton going to school?" , I questioned.

"Because I don't want the same things to be happening to him." , mom said, not looking at me. "Mom, nothing is going to happen to Ashton. He'll be fine, I'm sure he will." , I tried to reassure her. She sighed, "It's just...I'm scared. What happens if one day Ashton can't take anymore of the bullying and eventually kill himself? He's young, he can't be thinking about those stuff."

It is funny how we are all so clueless on what is happening to others. I never knew Ashton was getting bullied and I never knew that my best friend was suicidal. Well, I knew that she was depressed, but I never really looked more into it. All I ever did was make her promise to stop cutting, but that totally blowed because now she's laying on a hospital bed.

I haven't seen Brandon yet. He must be in the hospital, visiting Jamie. I finally had noticed that out of all the people in my family, Brandon hasn't really interacted with Jamie that much as Ashton, mom, and I did. Sure they go to the same school together but who knows if they communicate there? I haven't really seen Brandon hang out with her at home. So why is Brandon visiting her??

You might be wondering, "Why haven't YOU gone to the hospital to see her? Do you even care about her??" Trust me, I do want to see her and I do care about her, but I can't just leave Ashton here all alone. I can't even take Ashton with me, because he'll find out on what's going on. Poor him. Ashton must seem so confused right now.

I agreed on staying home and babysitting Ashton while mom was at work. I was in the kitchen making sandwiches for Ashton and I. Ashton came in the kitchen with his phone in his hand.

"Hey, lil' bean! So, how was your day?" , I forced a smile, trying to seem like we are all doing fine. But I knew in reality our family was on the verge of having a breakdown and losing our shit without Ashton noticing. Our family never has been the same since Jamie tried to committe suicide. I felt like our family was breaking apart, no one, and I mean no one seemed the same anymore. Brandon and I haven't really talked, mom stopped smiling, and I've been getting angry with myself lately and punching things.

Ashton on the other hand, I don't know. I'm not really sure. He doesn't know what's happening but he still looks depressed. I remember when I would come home to see a full on smile from him. He'll come jump on me and give me a big hug. He'll be laughing so much at a joke I'll make even though it wouldn't be that funny. He would be loud and enthusiastic. But now, it's not like that anymore.

I miss it so much. Ashton didn't answer. He just walked by and grabbed a bag of chips from the pantry. "Here you go, lil' bean." , I handed him his plate of sandwiches. He grabbed it without making eye contact with me. I sighed.

He was about to head back upstairs. "Hold on, lil' bean! You ain't going anywhere, I need to have a talk with you." He stopped walking and turning to me.

"Ashton, I'm worried about you, you don't seem like yourself." "You don't see me saying that to you guys." , he mumbled. His voice was so small and low.

"There just seems to be things coming up." , I said looking at him. Ashton walked back where I was and set his plate and the bag of chips on the counter. "Like what kind of things??" , he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Like..." , I couldn't come up with anything. Shit, what do I say!?

He stood there, still waiting for the response. "Mom is stressed out with work, and Brandon is at his friend's house. And mom doesn't want you going to school because of the bullying so no worries." "Where's Jamie?" , Ashton asked. "Um...she's at...her friend's house...spending the night too." , I lied.

"STOP LYING!!" , he yelled. I was in shock. "JUST STOP LYING!" , he cried out. "I know exactly what is going on! Stop acting like I'm stupid enough to see what is happening! I'm not stupid, I can see the lies you are telling me." , he sobbed.

"What lies?" , I said acting confused as ever. "I know Jamie is in the hospital right now, I know that she killed herself, I know that she had swallowed a lot of pills!!!! I MEAN WHY WOULD MOM JUST SCREAM OUT LIKE THAT AND DROP THE CAKE!!?? SO SHUT UP!!!" , he screamed at me, many tears streaming down his face.

I looked down. He knows. Tears formed in my eyes.

"I just want everything to go back to normal." , he choked on his sobs. I pulled him into a tight hug, "Shhh, I know, I know. Everything will, I promise you that. It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay."

I cried, wishing it was true, knowing damn well everything might not turn out to be okay.