Dear Bully, (Brandon Rowland fanfiction)

Note #64

(Jamie's POV)

"What the hell, Jamie!" , Marilyn slammed her hand against the table in front of me, startling me at the loud sound. "How could you do this to me?? And I thought you were my friend!"

I was currently in the library reading a book quietly. Well not anymore, I was getting yelled at by Marilyn. The librarian went to go get lunch and left the library unintended so she wasn't there to hush up Marilyn. Heads turned to us, which was embarrassing.

"Marilyn, what happened? What did I do??" , I asked confused and clueless. What did I do wrong? Why was Marilyn angry at me?

"You like him, you liked him all along." "Liked who? What are you talking about?" "You like Brandon, don't you? Someone told me you did." , she said. "I don't like him, Marilyn. I don't like anyone at this moment. So please tell me who told you this nonsense."

"Nonsense?? How could this be nonsense? You turned down Thomas cause you liked Brandon and you purposely wanted to ruin my chance with Brandon because you wanted him all to yourself, didn't you!!?? I should've known that you were a SLUT!!" , Marilyn stormed off.

Everyone was looking at me and I felt embarrassed. My face grew hot and I wanted to cry my eyes out. Tears were already forming.

I didn't like Brandon for sure. Don't get me wrong, he is attractive, but I just didn't see him in that way. But I don't know who told Marilyn that. I most likely just lost a friend. Or should I say all of my friends. Evelyn and Shay could hate me now and would stop talking to me.

Everything was going too fast and it made my head hurt. I wanted to stab myself right then and there so I can just stop breathing and end things quickly and swiftly.

I also wanted to block the voices inside my head that kept calling me an idiot and a fucking pathetic bitch. "Look what you did, Jamie. You can never keep friends because they would all eventually hate you. And do you know why? They start realizing of how much of a stupid scum you are." , my inner voice told me. 

It sometimes scared me cause I would be able to see things. I would see myself standing or sitting down next to me and whispering hatred in my ear and smiling evily at me. I would often get told that I should kill myself cause she (which is also me) hated me so much and that she didn't want to be living in this body. She said that she felt trapped in a useless body. She would say that she could only be set free if I killed myself and she encouraged it.

Nothing seemed to satisfy her. She would always complain how it wasn't enough. One second she wants me to kill myself and then the next, she calls me weak for giving up. One second she wants me to cry so much to the point where there's no room to breathe and it feels like I am suffocating, and then the next she's calling me pathetic for crying. She was never satisfied with me and I was never satified with myself.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Brandon. He had a smile plastered on his face. "So, I heard that you like me. Is that true?" , he asked. "No, it's not true. Who told you that?"

Brandon stopped smiling. "Someone." "Brandon, I need to know who told you that. Cause that person most likely told Marilyn." "Who's Marilyn?" , he questioned. "My friend, well now my ex friend I guess." "Still doesn't ring a bell."

I rolled my eyes, "One of the twins." He still looked a little confused but I ignored it because I was so upset and I just needed to calm myself down. "Brandon, please. Who told you this? My friend is really angry at me right now because of this stupid lie." "Why would she be angry?" "I think you know the answer to that already. Like I bet you're not that surprised."

"Lemme guess, she likes me?" , Brandon asked. I nodded. He laughed. I didn't understand what was so funny about it. "Ugh, so she's angry with you because she now believes that you like me?" , he seemed amused and I just nodded. "I mean I knew that I was hot, but not THAT HOT." , he smirked.

"But be honest, do you like me?" "No, I'm being honest." , I said. "Sorry, but I can't tell you who told me that." "Why not??" "Because I'm not a snitch." , he said, sounding mad.

"Wow...so you're really not going to help me out?" , I said. Ugh, why won't he tell me?! "No, now stay away from me..." , he demanded. He huffed under his breath and whispered, "Fucking bitch," before he left.

I felt like the whole world was against me now. I knew that nothing good was going to last for me and everything always seemed to crash down on me and feelings would get hurt and I'll be ruined and fucked all over again.

Everyone was mad at me for a stupid reason, but I don't know why Brandon seemed to be mad at me. I just sat there contemplating on what to do. I need to talk to Marilyn and all of them. But I also need to find out who told her.

I got up and began looking for Shay or Evelyn, whoever I can find first. From the distance, I saw red hair that made everyone around her stand out. I knew that it was Shay.

"Hey, Shay," I said.  She turned around to look at me. She looked disappointed. "I know that you don't believe me when I say this but I don't like him at all. I don't know who came up with that rumor, but it's not true."

"Why don't you go say that to Marilyn?" "I did, but she didn't believe me and she didn't understand. She's really mad at me and I'm trying to explain to her but I know that she doesn't want anything to do with me." , I explained. "Honestly, I think this whole thing is bullshit. She shouldn't be mad at you even if you did like him. Like it's not your fault that you like him. And I know that you don't, but still. I think she's overreacting a bit. Like lots of girls like him so she should know to not go over board and completely cut you off as her friend."

Shay was kind of right to be honest. "Do you know where Marilyn is?" , I asked. "No, but knowing her, I wouldn't bother going to talk to her." "Why not?" "Because she's really stubborn and unforgiving. When someone does her wrong or dirty once, she completely cuts them off, even if it's in the slightest bit of making her mad. And then she makes you her competition. I should know."

"One time we invited a girl to our small group and I'm guessing they were in the same class and they sat by each other. It was test day and I guess the girl turned her paper and hid her answers without realizing that Marilyn was trying to copy off her test. I'm guessing Marilyn made it a huge deal and thought that the girl had done it purposely and went off on her after class. The girl doesn't hang out with us anymore and Marilyn made her life a living hell, which made her switch schools."

I sighed, "Well I guess my life is going to get even more fucked over now."

------------------------------------------------------------

Hola my little cuties😘

Feel free to ask any questions or what you think. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me, it could be through here or on Instagram because I usually use Instagram the most.

You could talk to me about anything, I'm here for you😊

My insta💕: ariana.dqt

I love you❤❤