Pack yourself a toothbrush, dear

chapter twelve

warning (lmao): cringy attempt at smut writing. 

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skin soft as lavender, tastes like honey.

I nuzzled my nose in Harry's neck as we sat on the window sill. His skin was soft and warm under my nose.

"Is your leg okay ?" He peered cautiously, a worried frown dancing on his forehead. I nod softly. It's kind of humorous to me, the genuine worry in his voice, like he's actually feeling the pain. "I'm so sorry on behalf of Camille. I know she did it purposefully, everyone might deny it but I-, I just know she did it." He rubbed his face tiredly. 

"She's not that bad." I chuckle in disbelief "She might like a bit of attention here and there but I doubt she'd hurt someone purposefully-"

"You don't know her." He sighs and lets his head drop dejectedly "Niall should have never told her we're coming here. It a massive blunder he's caused. She shouldn't even be allowed in public, she's legitimately mentally ill and should be medicated or institutionalized."

He's ridiculously flustered up and being ridiculous, in general. 

"Why'd you date her then, you can't seem to stand her general existence." I laugh and it's true. Harry's always weird around her, he seems to be as far away from her as humanely possible during a conversation and there's an occasional, terrifying glare his face dissolves into when he's looking at her direction.

"It's-" He pauses, torn "It's weird, I haven't told it to anyone. It's kind of sad and pathetic, actually, it's really sad and really pathetic."

"Hey" I console "You know what's sad and pathetic ? Dating a girl all through college and almost getting married, only to realize you don't even love her, and too, on your fucking wedding day. That's definitely pathetic and kind of sad. So, spill buddy. It can't be worse than this" I point towards myself. He laughs softly. "It's a wreck out here."

"It is ! You'll see, ugh- it's so sad ! Okay, alright-" He speaks "So, we start college and I meet Zayn, Liam and Niall in a frat party where literally the entire college is invited. We all hangout that night and then later in the night, realize that our dorm rooms are right next to each other. So we quickly become mates over the next few weeks. Now, high school was blatantly torturous for me, so I was hoping to change things around for me in college. I wanted to be outgoing, I wanted to have shit load of friends and all that stuff, whatever."

"So, two months go by and Zayn's already dating this lilac haired girl from his art class, Liam's hanging out with a bird named Danielle and Niall, don't even get me started, he's hooking up with the librarian !" Harry chuckles "And well, my life was in a rut. All my prior expectations with college seemed pretty dumb to me at this point. I hated most of my teachers, half of my classmates and I was barely getting any sleep over the assignments, so parties were out of question. I was really desperate for something to invest myself emotionally in, either I needed twenty new friends or someone to date." He sighs.

"Then, I met Camille Rowe. She was a new student from America and was in my Drama class and we were paired up for an improv session and that was that. After one of our last sessions together, she asked if we could get lunch together and I mean, at that point in my life, I would have literally dated a cactus if it had asked me first. I needed a change. I wanted someone to waste my time with, someone I could go on double dates with. And I got that. For the next three months, everyone in the campus with a mouth, talked about us, we got invited to every party in that semester and even the drama teacher would purposefully give us roles in which we had to play a couple."

"So, three months go by and this weird realization hits me that what I'm doing is wrong. I don't love her, I don't even like her. I'm doing all this plethora of shitshow, just because I was bored and because I wanted to be talked about in college. It was kind of pathetic and terribly wrong of me, I felt so shitty about myself, some days I didn't even have the courage to look at myself in the mirror. But I couldn't bear to tell Camille this, she was always so kind to me and I could tell she liked me way more than I liked her. So, I stuck to the plan, you know like a coward-"