I want to be Happy

I want to be Happy- Chapter 10

I Put Jack in his cot and turned his mobile on so I got my chair and watched him trying to stay awake.

"You know you would have loved your uncle James... uncle Nate and uncle Matt will tell you all these silly story's about him, but dint listen to what they say" I said to him, I stroke the little bit of hair he had and started singing 'you are my sunshine'

He fell asleep as I finished the song

"I'm sorry your daddy doesn't care baby, but I'll make up for it", I watched him sleep until I heard a light knock at the door, I turned around to see Sara standing by the door

"Hi, he's just gone to sleep" I whispered as I walked away from him

"That's alright dear, I wanted to let you know that dinners ready" I smiled at her I lefted the room, I made sure the door was open, I took the baby monitor with me, I sat at the table next to Nate, like usual Alex was in front of me

"When did you get home?" I asked Sara

"A while ago, Matt told me you were upstairs so we thought we would leave you to get used to being a mummy" she smiled at me

"I'm sorry I didn't come to the Hospital over the last four days, Lizzy wasn't well and I didn't want to give it to Jack or the other babies" she said, I could tell she felt bad

"no its fine, I wouldn't have let you in just in case you had it, I think the babies would have been too weak to fight it" I said to her with a smile, we carried on eating until Nate asked me something that made everyone go quite

"So who's the dad?" Nate asked, I nearly choked on my food, I looked at him

"I'm not going to tell you, what matters is that he knows who he is" I said to him

"So did he visit you in the hospital?" Ella asked

"No he didn't" I said bluntly looking at Alex, he was looking at his food

"Didn't he know what was going on, I mean why wouldn't he have gone to see his son? Jack could have died and he didn't think of seeing him?" Nate said, I stopped eating, I felt tear pricking at my eyes getting ready to come out, thinking that Jack could have died made my heart brake

"To answer any last questions, no the dad didn't come to see him, yes he could have died but he didn't, he's doing just fine, yes he's tiny but he's putting weight on, he might not have a dad but he has me and I have him that's all we need to be a family, he doesn't need some dad in his live to let him down" I said, everyone looked at me with sad looks, I looked at Alex who just looked at his food,

"Sorry, I'm going to bed, night everyone" with that I got up from the table, I walked around until someone stopped me, I looked at Alex who was standing by his chair

"I think we need to talk" he said to me, I laughed and pulled my arm from his grip

"We did and you said you didn't want anything from me, then you said you were going to be there for me and Jack, do you know what I had to go through with him, Alex I gave you the chance to be his dad and you brushed him a side, you didn't even come to see him instead you're here fucking around with some girl... im not going to let you hurt my baby" I said to him

"I'm sorry ok? I just want another chance" I started to cry

"Alex just leave her" Matt said as he walked over to us, I looked over at everyone and all eyes were on us I looked at Ella who looked sad for me

"Ella do you think you could watch Jack for me?" I asked her , she nodded, I walked to the front door and put my shoes on, Ella came over to me

"Where are you going?" she asked

"I have to go and think, If he wakes up just rock him, Please don't let anyone pick him up, I'm trusting you only you can pick him up, please Ella don't let anyone and I mean anyone pick him up" I told her I trusted she didn't know anything, I know I've only just meet her but I could tell she would do what I asked

"I promise I won't let anyone touch him" she said to me I hugged her

"I'll be back in time for his feed" I said to her, I walked out the house and got in my car, I drove to the only place o felt happy

"Hey guy's, back sooner than I thought" I sat with my back learned on James's headstone

"GOD JAMES, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME" I shouted, it was 5 in the evening so no one was here I put my head in my lap and screamed

"WHY DID YOU BOTH LEAVE ME, YOU BOTH PROMISED ME YOU WOULD ALWAYS BEEN WITH ME, you said it was us against the world" I cried, I was crying when I saw Matt and Nate walk up the path, I put my head back in my lap, I heard them coming closer

"Laura?" I didn't answer them, I looked up at them though my blurry vision, that sat I front of me

"it's alright to be angry you know" Nate said "I'm angry with him but I love and miss him" he added, I sobbed as they both gave me a hug, all three sat there until I felt wetness on my top, I looked down and saw that I had begun to leak, Anna said it was normal and it's a sign of when I need to feed Jack so I pulled away from the boys.

"We need to go, I need to feed Jack" they looked at me confused

"How do you know that?" Matt asked, I looked down at my top and they both blushed

"Get it now? Can one of give me your coat so I can cover myself up" I asked them Nate gave me his coat, we drove home, I walked in the door and saw Sara, Nick and Alex watching me,

"Laura, are you ok?" Nick asked me, Sara came to hug me but I moved back, she looked hurt

"Sorry Sara, it's just need to feed Jack" she looked at me confused, I look at her then down at my body she saw but she still looked at me in confusion, I sighed and pulled open the coat

"OH, sorry" She said, I look at Nick and Alex who were looking around with red faces

"I have to go feed Jack" I said to all of them, I went to my bedroom to see Ella asleep on my bed and Jack watching his mobile go round

"Hey little man, you hungry?" I picked him out his cot and I sat on my bed leaning against the head board, Ella was facing the other way so I quickly got Jack to start feeding, he latch on straight away, just as he started Ella work up before she could turn I said

"I'm feeding Jack, so just be warned" I said it in a chuckle sort if way, I heard her laugh as well, she sat up and lead against the head board as well and looked at me

"Are you ok?" she asked me

"Yer, I'm ok no, sorry if I woke you up" I said back to resting my head on the head board

"You can go if you want, I'm sure you don't want to watch me breast feed" I said to her

"I know how you feel about be alone, I don't mind staying it's not like you don't have what I have" she said while nudging my arm in a playful way, we both laughed a little till I heard a knock at the door, before I could answer Alex came walking in

"Sorry" he said and looked away, I rolled my eyes

"Ella can you give us a minute, come back in an hour, we need to talk about you and Nate" I said winking at her, she rolled her eyes and got of the bed.