One Stride Away

Chapter 13: Failure or Success

I lead Olympia to the warm up ring, mentally preparing myself. Olympia snorts, and prances. I haven't ridden her in three days. She got lunged by Ms. Nicholson one time and Cilia has walked her for me, but knowing my horse, that is nowhere near enough.

I stop in the centre of the ring, and Olympia pulls at the reins, throwing her head up. I give the reins a gentle tug and bring her head down next to mine, giving her forehead a rub. Olympia settles, and blinks with her big brown eyes, gazing into mine.

"Hey... please be a good girl for me today. We've worked so hard. We can't leave now, can we superstar?" Olympia's ears flick in understanding and I pat her neck, moving to her side.

I take a deep breath. Lifting my still sore foot, I place it into the stirrup and grab the reins and saddle in my hands. The accident flashes in my mind. It feels so real. The pain, the pressure, the panic, the water. Water everywhere. I've done this before, getting back on after a fall. I know it's not easy.

I close my eyes to clear my head. Breathe. In and out. I swing myself into the saddle, ignoring the soreness of my body. The world spins, a light headed feeling makes me fear that I will tumble off right here yet again. I close my eyes to block out the dizziness. Grabbing the saddle to steady myself, I place my other foot into the other stirrup. I take another deep breath and clutch the reins tightly. Too tightly. Relax, I tell myself, but I know it's not that easy. Inhale and exhale. Calm down.

My bruised legs hurt as I squeeze Olympia into a walk. She takes off, way too excitedly. My heartbeat hits the roof at the movement, jolting up memories of the accident that I push away quickly. I can barely hold Olympia back from bouncing straight into a canter. After a couple steps we both somewhat calm down. I can feel the other riders' eyes burning into me, watching every move intently. They probably think I will faint and fall off any second. But they're wrong. And they're my competition which means I won't let them see me as someone weak. Not even for a moment.

I sit up straight and press my heels down, gritting my teeth and trying not to think of the constant throb in my side. My foot feels better with the ankle brace. I choose to completely ignore the other three riders warming up at the same time. Jaxon is probably just waiting for me to make a mistake, but I would never let him have the satisfaction. Anyway, I don't have time to worry about that right now.

Grey clouds cover the dull sky. Olympia's bay coat gleams, despite the lack of sunshine. At least it's not raining. I have to keep my arms strong as I begin the warm up with Olympia. I try to keep a blank expression as I ask for trot and begin to post up and down, but the bruises are making it a struggle. Olympia swishes her tail, pulling at the bit. I make her trot a couple more strides before releasing the pressure of the reins and letting her canter for a bit. The canter hurts less than a trot so I spend some more time on that and then walk. I can't allow myself to waste any energy. I have to get through the course. My stomach is already knotted with nervous, and it's getting worse by the minute. Despite that, I keep my expression blank, refusing to give anything away.

"Alright Alina, you're up." Ms. Nicholson motions me to the gate, her thin hunter green jacket zipped up tightly. Oh no. I really wish my last name wouldn't start on a 'B' right now. My breathing gets faster and I feel myself tense. Olympia picks up on it in a split second. She too tenses and takes jog steps forward. I force myself to relax, sitting deep into the saddle. 

"It's okay girl." I whisper, stroking her mane.

"You sure you're up for this?" Ms. Nicholson eyes me, and I keep a blank expression. Her blue eyes drill through me.

"Yes." I answer.

She sighs. "Okay then, be careful."

I nod, yet I know I can't afford to be. I struggle to keep Olympia calm at the starting line. A cold wind blows, the grass ahead of us is neatly cropped, the air is  a perfect temperature for cross country. If the accident hadn't happened I would be so excited, but even with the pain, I can feel the adrenaline start to rush through my body. Then signal to go sounds, and with relief I let Olympia go.