One Stride Away

Chapter 14: Back in the Saddle

Here I stand, filled with shame, filled with defeat. I keep my head held up, with my lips pressed into a firm line, when all I want to do is scream at myself. I don't want to see anyone look at me with sad sympathy behind their gaze. I don't have the energy to see Sienna's smirk. Instead I stare straight ahead. I failed. 

"Hold on... There was a slight mix up. There has been a tie." The words feel numb. Like they're somewhere far away. I failed.

"For the first ever tie of Collins Equine Academy, please join me up here, Alina Briar."

Is that my name? No. I must have imagined something like this in the midst of my shame. My eyes shift to Julie, she waves me over frantically, her neat bun bouncing at the movement. Maybe i'm not imagining it.

"Alina!" People nudge me forward. "Go." Someone says. My legs move towards the line of people. A tie? How? To think, one millisecond later and we wouldn't have tied with Allan. I silently thank Olympia for being so hot headed. 

So I am not going home. I didn't fail. I still have a chance. 

Allan and I shake hands and I feel a slight smile spread across my face. I'm still in. Julie bounces over to hug me. She wraps her arms around me and others do too. I don't do hugs but right now I don't care. I'm still in. But instead of having two more people to beat I have all the rest of them. I am at the bottom of the list, I am still recovering from an accident and somehow I need to win that scholarship.

My eyes shift to the four who didn't make it. I'm sad to see Noah and Ana go. For the first time, people I talked to, people who might have considered me a friend are leaving. I didn't really know Charlie but he wasn't mean either, but oh boy—guess who else is leaving? Jaxon! That's right, I beat him even after almost drowning. I guess I should feel sympathetic towards him, and maybe some small part of me does, but still. No more stupid glares from him. Noah, Ana, Charlie and Jaxon. They are all leaving and I was close to being with them.

Anyone of those four could have tied with Allan. But they didn't. I did. I watch Ana, stand there on the brink of tears, and my feet move to go give her and Noah a hug. There isn't need for words. I'm not that good at the whole comforting thing either, so this is all I can do.

Olympia and I are still in. I eye my competition as we leave the inside arena. This isn't going to be easy... but nothing I do is.

It's a tearful goodbye to Ana, at least from Julie, who was her dorm mate. They seemed to have a lot of fun together. I have to admit, I too will miss Ana. She was always fun to be around, even if I didn't talk to her that often. It's sad to see Noah go too. He was part of the little friend group i've luckily been dragged into.

I stand in the common room with Leah, Cilia and Julie, watching the last car roll down the driveway. Raindrops patter against the window. Now we are down to ten—well eleven counting me since Allan and I tied.

"Okay, i'm done moping around." Julie says, her reddish brown hair frizzy from the rain. "We are going to celebrate us making it."

And that's my cue to leave. I inch toward the door.

"Nope! You are not getting away with it this time!" Julie says in a sing-song voice, pulling at my arm. Cilia and Leah laugh. 

"I almost drowned three days ago." I say matter-of-factly.

Julie shifts uncomfortably.

"Too soon?" I ask. Cilia nods and I roll my eyes.

"Seriously though, if you are fine enough to joke around and ride, you can come celebrate! Come on, have some fun! Please, you made it, you're not going home after all!" Julie says.

I barely made it. I don't know if I feel ashamed to tie in last place or happy and thankful to still be here. But there's one thing I do know, celebrating will not help me win. I need to focus, more than ever. Sacrifices come with wanting something, with wanting this scholarship, I know that, better than anyone. A little partying? I can do without that.

"Julie, i'm sorry... i'm tired, okay?" I say.