This Enchanting New World

Chapter 24

Nothing to him.

It was a good thing, I told myself, setting my jaw. He wasn't important. He couldn't interfere with my becoming queen. If I was to reclaim my true power, I had to marry Ryder, and I had to let Calahan go.

So why did it feel like all the wind had been knocked out of me?

It was because I didn't want to be nothing. I didn't want to be meaningless, something to be tossed aside.

That had to be why.

It had to be.

Then I let out a weathered, heavy sigh from the depths of my soul, because how could I even be thinking about all this when Ryder was nothing to me but a pawn to use in order to get what I want?

Nonetheless, he was a pawn I needed, so the queen could come into play, even if I was using a hidden move. Maybe I couldn't be a queen in this chessboard kingdom, a voice in my head thought with guilt. A queen was supposed to protect the king...

And I wasn't.

But I couldn't be a queen in Calahan's dark world either, even if he had wanted to protect me.

"Calahan..," my voice trailed off as I searched for the words to express what I was feeling.

"I want people to clap when I walk by. I want people to bow before me and add 'may she live forever' after my name."

My eyes glittered like cut jewels.

"But who will applaud a villain?," I finished, my shoulders sagging in my tattered but beautifully self-embroidered poncho, my crown feeling far too heavy on my head.

Calahan gave a secret grin of mischief and scandal- the kind of grin I'd grown accustomed to seeing from Goth, but never him.

"Uma. Harry. Gil. All the people of the Isle. Half of the world," he replied insightfully.

I gasped with realization, an idea bouncing around in my mind.

"Calahan, you're a genius! I always knew I wanted to be queen because of what others would do, but I never thought of what I would do as queen. I could open the barrier so no one would ever have to live with nothing, like I did, ever again!," I exclaimed.

He gave an exasperated sigh and slowly shook his head.

"That's all premature thinking. You don't love Ryder. You're going after what you want. That's not love."

I realized with a start that he was right.

"Wow. With your cynicism comes wisdom," I marveled, eyes widening, though he was probably thinking of his father's unquenchable desires for Esmeralda that weren't really love, but lust.

I caught myself. Calahan Frollo was not part of my goal.

"However, it doesn't matter," I continued. "I want to become a queen. That is what's important. That is what I care about, and I will do anything to obtain it.," I snapped, enunciating each syllable with firm intensity.

I turned away from him and walked out the door.

"Love was never part of the plan."