The Five Musketeers

Chapter 3 - Indecisive

"Over hill, over dale, thorough bush, thorough brier, over park, over pale, thorough flood, thorough fire. I do wander everywhere swifter than the moon’s sphere."

~Fairy, A Midsummer Night's Dream. Act 2 Scene 1.

        Michelle was not pleased. Being loudly woken up from an afternoon nap was unpleasant, even dreadful, by itself. Being loudly woken up an obnoxious Kesha song being butchered by her best friend was not okay. Especially when she hadn't even known the culprit would be showing up randomly at her house that afternoon.

        Jess and Nicole found Michelle blinking blearily at them from her position on the couch. "Hey, slugger!" Jess exclaimed, extra loudly to make sure Michelle wasn't still on the cusp of sleep. "We haven't seen each other in a while, so me and Nicole decided to drive on down. Glad to see us?"

        "Oh my god, you guys, this is like a nightmare," Michelle fell back onto the cushions. "First off, you know I hate it when you act like an awkward step-dad, Jess. Quit calling me 'slugger,' and I won't keep reminding everyone about the Apple Incident."

        "Sure thing, ace," Jess smirked, unafraid of the Apple Incident. She had come to terms with it months ago when she gave a presentation in English about her most embarrassing moment. Although it was difficult, she managed to get through it, and earned a respectable B+. Jess suspected it would have been an A if she hadn't had to step out into the hall halfway through because she started laughing at herself so hard she couldn't continue. 

        "And what the hell are you guys doing here. You know I hate it when you don't tell me when you're coming over! What if I had had plans, or something?" Jess and Nicole let out snickers at the idea that Michelle would have plans with anyone but them. Painfully shy, Michelle didn't feel comfortable with many people besides her closest friends.

        "Well, we're here now. And I'm definitely not leaving. You live miles out of the way, and gas is freaking expensive. You'd have to pay me to go away, like Charlie Sheen and his prostitutes," Jess said as she plopped down on the sofa before spotting a half eaten cake on the counter. She sauntered over, grabbed a plate and fork, and helped herself.

        "So where's Peter and Jack?" Nicole asked, as if they would suddenly pop up from behind the potted plant and yell, "BOO!"

        "I don't want to talk to Jack! Can't we just have a nice play date by ourselves for once?" Michelle whined, theatrically throwing her hands in front of her face. 

        "Whad dib de do biss time?" Jess asked around the cake in her mouth, spewing crumbs.

        "The usual," Michelle sighed. Nicole and Jess glared at the door as if it would materialize into Jack so they could kick him in the throat.

        "God, I am so sick of talking about Jack and Peter. Like, 75% of our conversation revolves about how stupid Peter is or about what a self-centered douche Jack is. Why are we even friends with them? Maybe we should examine the pros and cons," Jess said, nearly having an aneurysm from swallowing her dessert too fast.

        "Alright, let's be real. We're friends with them because we look cool having guy friends. I really, really like to subtly brag about how awesome I am that two guys want to be around me all the time. It's not like a stream of boys are knocking down my door trying to hang out." Nicole deflated slightly with this realization, and went to grab a drink from Michelle's fridge.

        "I don't know about you guys, but I've got plenty of friends. BOY friends, too!" 

        "Jess, the people in the baritone section don't count. All your marching band friends are really, really weird, sorry to tell you." Jess gaped at Nicole, appalled she would say something so awful about the people she sat with at football games every weekend.

        "Listen, does it suck being the only girl in the baritone section of the band? Yes. But the guys are great! Like, Bill finally stopped singing "Part of Your World" in F# every four minutes. And don't get me started on Devon's new - " 

        "This is what I'm talking about. Sorry, but baritone Bill doesn't sound like the greatest candidate for the new opening as your best guy friend," Nicole muttered around her Mountain Dew can.

       "So I guess we're stuck with the asshole and teen angst over there," Jess decided triumphantly, gesturing to Jack and Peter's houses out the window.

        "Whatever. What do you want to do tonight?" Michelle asked.

        "I dunno. What do you want to do?" Nicole replied, picking at her nails.

        "I dunno. Whatever you want." Jess chimed in, leaning back and looking at the popcorn ceiling.

        "Seriously, you guys pick." Nicole sat up, unhappy at Michelle's demanding tone.

        "You know how much I hate deciding, Mish. I don't want to pick, you pick!" 

      Michelle lowered her eyebrows in irritation, about to make a feisty remark that would initially sound clever, but would ultimately be regretted sixteen seconds after spoken aloud. Jess butted in before this could happen between the two again.

        "Did I ever tell you guys about my aunt Katie?" she asked. Upon receiving blank looks she stood up, started to pace, and continued. "Well, she's seriously the most indecisive person I know. She is so unable to make up her mind that my uncle Jim had to buy a house without telling her because she wouldn't be able to decide which place she liked best."

        "Jess, why do we care?" Nicole asked confused, glancing at Michelle.

    "Because, dear amigas, you are currently embodying my dear aunt Katie. Which is quite infuriating, to be honest. It's not even that hard to pick. There's a grand total of three things to do here." At this point Jess had to stop and take a deep breath, slightly winded from her furious pacing around the couch. "Number one: Go for a walk to that park we always hang out at. Number two: Watch Netflix for the rest of the night. Or number three: call up Jack and Peter."

        As if it were rehearsed, there was a knock on the door. Three heads snapped towards the front of the house. "Don't answer that!" Jess panicked.

       She had watched a total of one horror movie in her life, and it had scared her so bad she cuddled up to Nicole the rest of the night and refused to sleep alone. It seemed it had to be a masked murder, even though it was three in the afternoon, and they were in the heart of upper-middle class suburbia.

        Michelle rolled her eyes and approached the door. "Don't do it," Jess whispered fervently, ducking behind an armchair. Flinging the door open, Michelle's curiosity was quickly satisfied by the two boys standing on the sunlit porch.

        "Hey, Michelle," Jack grinned charmingly, looking back at his companion, Peter, for a moment. "We saw the Tank outside, and figured Jess and Nicole were over. So, what are we doing tonight?"