The Five Musketeers

Chapter 8 - Sweat, Blood, and Vomit

"I am that merry wanderer of the night. I jest to Oberon and make him smile when I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile, neighing in likeness of a filly foal."

~Puck, A Midsummer Night's Dream. Act 2 Scene 1."

        Jess slammed her car door shut harder than necessary. Vigorously rubbing sunscreen into her thighs, she shuffled things around in her arms until she had her keys in her hand. She clicked the fob about twenty times until The Tank beeped, signalling it had been locked.

        Squinting against the bright sun, she huffed and lowered her sunglasses down to cover her eyes. Glancing around, she looked around the small dirt parking lot for her friends, who were no where to be found. Typical. Unconcerned that she could be in the wrong place, she plopped down on an old bench and whipped out her phone. 

        Dialing up Nicole, Jess impatiently tapped her foot and took in her surroundings. Her car was the only one in the 'parking lot,' if the gravel semi-circle could even be called that. There was a winding walkway that disappeared into the darkness of the woods like a horror film. A few yards away there was a pathetic picnic table that looked ready to collapse.

        Flies buzzed lazily over Jess's head, and she casually swatted and slapped at them while attempting to get a hold of someone, anyone, who could tell her if she was in the right place.

        It was with half a brain that Michelle decided that this would be the perfect patch of wilderness to explore one sunny, humid, horrible afternoon. Jess could feel a trickle of sweat wind its way down her back. She almost broke down and retreated back to her nice, air-conditioned car, but she was determined to tough it out Man vs. Wild style. 

        Jess was going to show her five best friends that the woods was not a nice 'adventure' or whatever, but a terrifying place full of things that crawl, fly, and poop everywhere.

        Nicole's distracted, "What?" snapped Jess out of her daze. 

        "Nic, where the hell are you? I'm sitting here alone, in a sketchy parking lot with some scary-ass trail leading into the woods." Jess growled, taking off her baseball cap and wiping the line of sweat that clung to her forehead.

        "Well, we're running a little late since Jack forgot the pie, so we had to turn around and get it, you know, for the picnic," Nicole blubbered. Jess assumed she was in the passenger of Michelle's mom's mini-van.

        "Where are the boys?" Jess asked through gritted teeth and a layer of sunblock.

        "Well they didn't have a ride since you refused to pick them up, so they're currently in the back seat. If we see a cop they're going to dive into the trunk."

        Blowing a long breath of air out, Jess tried to calm herself. Because Jack and Peter were incompetent fools, they had both failed their drivers test, and thus had to bum rides from her, Michelle, and Nicole, who hadn't failed. Jess would be the first to admit her driving skills left something to be desired, but at least she didn't drive through a red light on her road test, like Peter.

        "So when will you be here?" she asked tiredly.

        "Ummmm, maybe half an hour. Maybe." Nicole said distractedly, obviously listening to some sort of shenanigans happening in the back seat.

        "Fine. See you then." Jess said shortly, hoping Nicole picked up on her pissed tone and passive aggressiveness.

        Judging from the laugh and music coming from the other line, Jess's anger had gone unnoticed.