The Five Musketeers

Chapter 2 - Road Rage

"There is no following her in this fierce vein. Here therefore for a while I will remain. So sorrow’s heaviness doth heavier grow for debt that bankrupt sleep doth sorrow owe."

~Demetrius, A Midsummer Night's Dream. Act 3 Scene 2.

       

        Many, many things made Jess extraordinarily angry for no apparent reason. She once tried to pinpoint exactly what it was about almost everything that made her feel ready to erupt like a volcano.

        Unfortunately, during her analysis her younger sister, Brianna, started to sing. Loudly. Jess had to abandon her professional academic research to spastically yell at Bri to, "Shut the truck up,"  if she wanted to keep her right eye.

        And although awful, amature singing certainly was at the top of her Violent Rage list, Jess reserved the top spot for something very common and everyday. Traffic. The absolute bane of her existence.

        It didn't matter who was in the car with her, or if they were having a perfectly fine, normal conversation. The second the vehicle in front of her went slower than the speed limit, or if there was a detour, or, god forbid, a person in a cross walk., Jess would lose her mind. Whether it was screaming vague obscenities at cars or downright threats at the drivers.

        There were no exceptions as Jess and Nicole drove to Michelle's house. Stomping on the brakes, Jess took a moment to inwardly cuss at the three eight year old's crossing the street in front of them, laughing and enjoying the sun. Fuming, the minute the kids cleared the front of the Tank, Jess squealed off again, determined to make up the lost time.

        "Jesus. Why do I let you drive?" Nicole asked, grabbing the dash in front of her as Jess screeched to a crawl as a pickup pulled out of a hidden driveway. 

        "GOD DAMNIT, FARMER TED. . .What did you say?" Jess quickly looked at her best friend. 

        "Never mind. Just get us there in one piece," Nicole sighed, too used to Jess's driving to be overtly alarmed by it. 

        Trying to turn the radio station, Jess nearly swerved into a stop sign before straightening the Tank and looking at Nicole. "Hey, bitch monkey. Change the station. If I have to listen to this crap one more time I'm going to hit a telephone pole. And this time, it will be intentional."

        "Okay, let's take a look. . .Our choices are Happy," at Jess's growl, Nicole quickly changed the station again. "Fancy, Happy again, or Problem. Great songs." Shaking her head in irritation, Nicole turned to the weird, classic rock station that only their parents seemed to listen to. It was only slightly better than the awful nothingness of a quiet car.

        "Subject change; are Jack and Peter coming over tonight?" Jess asked while digging into a bag Skittles. Jack and Peter were Michelle's neighbors. It was an unwritten rule that every time Jess and Nicole came to visit the neighborhood all five would hang out.

        "I'm not sure I can handle all the sexual tension. It just reminds me of how utterly and completely single I am," she said distractedly, managing to locate a red Skittle and blow through a very yellow light at the same time. Some, mainly Jack, would call her distracted. Jess liked to think of herself more as a multitasker. 

        "Alright, you know how I feel about Peter! Stop bringing it up, it's really, really awkward, especially when I've rejected him like two times. Two! Do you know how many times that is?" she shrieked, getting worked up.

        "Nope. Please remind me again," Jess muttered under her breath as she squealed around a corner. "And I don't know, Nic," she said, raising her voice from a mumble. "I think you'd make a really cute couple. I mean, he's almost taller than you now! And the way he invites himself anywhere we're going, even if we tell him not too, is super enduring!"

        "Just drop it. The height thing is weird. It's not my fault I'm some freaky 5'9 giant. Can we please talk about something else? Thinking about Peter for too long makes me break out."

        "Fine, let's talk about Jack and Mich - HOLY SHIT!" Putting the pedal to the metal, the Tank lurched forward, narrowly avoiding being rear ended by an upcoming truck. Predictably, Jess lost her mind completely. She could almost feel her curly hair expand into a lion's mane from the force of her rage. "ASSHOLE! DOUCHE NUGGET! SONOFA!"

        "Yeah, Jack and Michelle," Nicole said, unfazed by her best friend's beet red face and crazed eyes. "She really needs to move on. I mean, it's been I don't know, seven years. Love her to death, but seriously, she can do better than Jack. Love him to death, but he's a total man-whore. He flirts with anything that has boobs."

        "Like fat guys?" Jess injected sweetly, her earlier spaz session already forgotten. "God I love to hate on Jack. It's so easy, yet so fun. We're shitty friends."

        "Really, why do we always go over to Michelle's house every time we hang out. It's fifteen minutes out of the way!"

        "Remember the one time Peter came over to your house, Nic? It was a train wreck. I don't particularly relish another one of his freak outs." A few months ago Peter had decided to brave a trip without Jack to Nicole's. Everything was fine, until Nicole's mom, Marie, popped into the basement to say hi. 

        Jess absolutely loved Marie. Sometimes Jess thought half the time she went over to Nicole's was just to gossip and eat ice cream with her mother. Peter didn't exactly share her sentiments.

        The second Marie appeared with a plate of food and a smile, Peter went white as a sheet, and clammed up. Jess swore she saw sweat break out across his forehead. She figured it was because Peter had some delusional fantasy, and envisioned himself as Marie's future son-in-law, so he had to make a great impression or something.

        Unable to pry more than a sentence out of him, Marie quickly left the four alone. Peter was still getting hell from it from Jess six months later.

        "Thank god we're here. We almost didn't make it, again. Remind me how you passed your driving test on your first try, again."

        Slamming her door, Jess jogged to the trunk and opened it, grabbing her overnight bag. "After you, sir," she bowed to Nicole as she snatched her pillow out of the Tank. "And I told you, the guy that tested me was either high, hungover, or a combination of both. Why else would he pass someone who hit a cone twice?"

        Grunting, Nicole closed the trunk and stomped over Michelle's perfect lawn to the front porch. Not bothering to knock, Jess swung open the front door and, as always, obnoxiously yelled, "'The party don't start till I walk in!'"