euphoria / jjk

was i the cruel one?

dear jeongguk, 

it's hard for me to breathe sometimes, when the overpowered guilt eats me up alive. please, tell me am i the cruel one? the harsh reality never lets me sit in peace. 

you asked me, "what did i ever do, that made you so distant?"

i'm silent. you begged and begged for me to tell you but i remained silent as if someone knocked the air out of my lungs. i was still silent. who could ever understand me? 

"was i not good enough?" you asked me with a glint of desperation in your eyes, i looked away. i couldn't handle looking in your eyes, the same eyes which cried with me when i was at my lowest. the same eyes which shone like frost in the moonlight when you were happy. the same eyes which didn't have that shine anymore, and i was the reason why. 

oh, how i wish i could tell you all the things that are on my mind. but yet i'm scared again. maybe we could meet again, a thousand years, a thousand leagues from here and maybe then i won't get these words wrong.