euphoria / jjk

truth untold

that's how i imagine eunji, as jennie kim but if you have any other girl in mind, feel free to imagine her. enjoy! 

jeongguk cleared his throat and leaned forward, fiddling with his fingers, " i– i thought of miyeon noona as an older sister who took care of me after my parents died. she was all me and my brother had at that time, we both got very attached to her. hyung started to fall in love with her and i hated it, i wanted her all to myself, so i.." he trailed off, looking at me with guilty eyes. i started back at him in disbelief.

"you started dating me to get over your crush?" 

he shook his head, doe eyes gazing sincerely back at me, "no, no, of course not," he paused, "i met you during the time noona went to japan, for university. i was still in college when i met you so no, i wouldn't say i dated you to get over her but i think things started to change after three months of our relationship." he took a sip of his untouched coffee and spoke again, "that was when noona came back from japan and started to go out with hyung. about the time when i went to meet them, saw her standing there, completely in love with my brother, i felt agitated. i didn't even know why, i just craved for her, to have her for myself–" i didn't realize i had started crying again until jeongguk saw me and his eyes softened. 

"it's fine, i was just overwhelmed. continue please." i whispered, loud enough for him to hear.

he looked at me worriedly, "are you sure?" i nodded in response, wiping away my tears. 

"my feelings for you never changed, trust me, it was just that my feelings for noona started to grow. yet i didn't even realize it until–"

i couldn't help but interrupt him, "that day, when you confessed." my statement took him by surprise and he sighed, nodding.

"yes, i did. but she was so loyal to hyung, i felt so insignificant and hideous for doing you dirty like that.."

i looked away, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, "i heard it all jeongguk, it was the worst day of my life yet i still didn't confront you. i just couldn't." i paused, "you think i left you because i stopped loving you? you're a fucking oblivious idiot, jeongguk. after we broke up, i wandered down the same streets we used to go hand in hand, all i wanted was to tell you how broken i am without you but there isn't much i could do, or perhaps i just want you to tell me you missed me back. make some excuse, like you always did–" a sob escaped my mouth as i furiously wiped away my tears, refusing to feel weak in front of him. "and then i– i wrote these letters to you, which i would never mail to you. they have every single, undescribeable moment i spent with you and how i felt. i feel worthless. i wake up everyday to an empty bed, eat alone and spend all my day at work, isolating myself from talking too much to anyone. scared that i might overshare and get attached till they get bored and find someone new." i look up at him, widening my eyes to see that he had tears streaming down his face too. 

he cautiously took a hold of my hand, holding it as though it was made out of glass and would break if he held too tight. "babe– i mean, eunji, i had no idea you were going through that. i always made you feel like you had no problems when–" his voice choked up, barely audible.

"when you were suffering like i was, just in a different way."