euphoria / jjk

bittersweet reminiscing

dear jeongguk,

that day, you asked me why i left. where do i begin to tell you the reason why i left? perhaps i should have answered you, but i chose to remain silent. i didn't think you could have handled the truth. you were so happy to see that i was there, i didn't want to say anything that would crush your heart all over again.

i admit, we were indeed very happy together. i remember how it felt to be in bed with you, in your arms. completely basking in the feeling of your warmth, and loving every moment of it. i remember taking those long showers with you, listening to your silly excuses of "saving water." grinning at each other as i splashed water at you every time you said something perverted. i remember taking long, aimless walks with you, fingers entangled and arms swinging as we wandered through the streets. i remember being with you at dinner, after work, laughing and talking, as if we didn't give a shit about what was going on in the world. i remember each and every moment of our time together, curled up, relaxing in comfortable silent. utterly content in one another's company.

when i come to think of it, we both were opposites in some way or another. and i know they say "opposites attract" but do they ever last?

there were my dark times as well, when you used to be fast asleep, rambling loudly about miyeon. i tried not to break down and cry, drowning myself in misery. with bitterness of my pain dug inside my heart, every night i used to turn my head and let all my sadness out in the form of my tears. why was it that in our relationship, we laughed together but cried alone?

though, if i could go back again, i would savor each and every special moment spent with you. you were one of a kind, jeongguk, you would get so enthusiastic about things at odd times with such great energy, i couldn't keep up. i didn't mind, to be honest, curling up on the sofa together after a game of overwatch, watching the kind of crap tv airs at 3 am. only you would wake me up at 7 am in the morning because you found an old photo album of me. so we would go through old photos and collapsing in laughter in every three pictures, and you mumbling "so cute." over and over again.
only you would get us both drunk in the middle of the afternoon, in result, we'd end up slow dancing to iu and kissing in a way that's more silly giggles than actual kissing, mouths clumsy and hands gripping tight.

you're beautiful, jeongguk. there's simply no way i can possibly put you in words. so love yourself because i'm trying to do the same. trying to love you, by first loving myself.

a/n !
first of all, thank you so so much for 100+ reads, i'm so thankful that you guys read my work, it means a lot. please vote and comment, it'll make me happier.

-m 🍯