The Twins And Me (BoyxBoyxBoy)

Slumped Shoulders

So I was thinking of maybe updating the cover of the book since the current one was hastily made and is rather sloppy. Any ideas for the design? 

And OMFG WE HIT NUMBER ONE ON FREETHELGBT!

I've also started a short story collection, but don't worry it won't affect this book, seeing as it's my priority. 

WARNING: SELF HARM TRIGGERS

"Wh-what?" My voice was weak from the aftermath of my orgasm, but I was positive I had not misheard him. 

"I will not fuck you. Especially not here in a car." He stated. 

"When we do have sex, it won't be some quick fuck and a race to reach our peaks. I want to drag it out, have you squirming under me in pleasure till all that you know and can say is my name. 

But here is not the time nor place for it."  

Ryder swung himself off me and plopped down in the driver's seat. 

"There should be some tissues in the glove compartment." He said. 

"Clean yourself up." He wasn't being unpleasant exactly, but a coldness had seeped into his voice. 

Also, rejection was a bitch. 

Fear of rejection was common, and I did get turned down quite a bit, but it still stung. 

The pounding of my heart in my chest from moments ago morphed into a painful throb. My fist balled the fabric of my shirt as I pulled it down and clutched at the edges. 

I was getting so worked up over that one tiny word. No. It seemed so much stronger than 'yes' for some reason. It was denial, disagreement, never and rejection all in one. It was like a knife stabbing you while 'yes' was more of an invitation. 

As most of my rides in cars with Ryder went, most of the journey was awkward as hell. 

Since the silence seemed to be his preference so I stuck to myself and pondered over what had just occurred. 

Playing it over and over and over in my mind. 

Exploiting every flaw, every awkward word or moan that I had let out. 

I was completely aware of what I was doing; overthinking. But how could I help it? He had said no, and while he had his own justifications for it, I was sure there was something else. 

Maybe I just wasn't as appealing as I believed I was. 

Who was I to even think for a moment that Ryder was somewhat attracted to me? Jesus. I just kept on humiliating myself. 

Why was I like this? Why do I even get myself into these scenarios? 

'I'm worth it, I'm worth it, I'm worth it. ' I repeated over in my head. A sort of mantra to keep me sane and positive. 

It didn't seem to have its usual effect though. 

I was getting lost inside my own mind. 

Sinking deeper and deeper into the dark and murky depths of the sea of self-loathing.