The Twins And Me (BoyxBoyxBoy)

4:00 AM

I woke up to a dead phone. 

It was still dark out, as I fumbled around for the charger. The phone lit up, the loading battery picture appearing. 

Sighing I stretched out my legs the bones cracking at the sudden movement. 

A beep that signified that the phone had finally turned on made me jump. 

3:59 am. 

There was always that feeling between three to four AM, where three was just very late at night while four was the early hours of the morning. It feels as if the world shifts slightly when it reaches four,  even though the birds have yet to make a sound, the sky felt lighter. Three AM always felt like the darkest hour of the night. The darkness before the dawn. Then again, it is the witching hour. 

It was hard for me to be awake at these hours. It amplified the loneliness to a whole new level.  

It's the artists who are usually awake now, searching for the right shade of red to portray the hurt of their broken heart, or for the authors trying to find the right string of words to explain the longing for a love now lost. And of course, the alcoholics drinking themselves to the point of amnesia to drown out the voice whispering how they will die alone. 

Their minds are reaching out to someone who is not there. 

At this hour those who are lucky enough to have found love are in each other's arms, shielding themselves from the darkness. All wrapped up in a blanket, head against chest, hearts beating as one. 

This hour is for the lovers, who are never loved in return. 

The light from the phone jerked me out of my depressing thoughts. It had lit up with a notification. It was a text. From Ryder.

4:00 am

You snore in your sleep. 

What. The. Hell.

Before I could even comprehend what I was doing my fingers were sailing across the screen typing out a response. 

I do not snore!  

Sent 4:01 am

Do too. 

Received 4:02 am

Do not

Sent 4:02 am

Was this actually happening? Was I actually texting Ryder at 4:00 AM? 

And why was he awake at this time anyway? 

I clicked on the phone. Two minutes had passed with no response. Maybe I was too childish, picking a fight like that. 

Blaming the late hour and the drowsiness I quickly sent another text:

Why are you up so late anyway?   

Sent 4:06 am

§      §       §

The rays of light hitting my eyelids woke me up. It was too bright, too sunny. 

I hated the sun, the heat, the sweating. I much preferred the rain, the cold and the damp. When it was chilly you could always add another layer to keep you warm. It was the best feeling in the world for me to be wrapped up in a blanket with a mug of hot tea in my hands while the rain came down in sheets outside.  But when it was hot there was nothing to remove. 

I must have fallen asleep waiting for Ryders reply. 

Oh my god. Ryder. I texted Ryder last night. And he texted back. 

Stupid. You're so fucking stupid Riley. How could you? You're drawing attention to yourself! 

I couldn't help it though. I had to check. 

Can't sleep. 

Received 5:18 am

His answer was blunt and straight to the point. 

It made sense that I fell asleep waiting for his answer, he had responded only an hour later.

Since the sun had woken me up too early, I decided to start getting ready for school. 

I took my time in the shower, loving the sensation of the tiny water droplets dripping down my back. All the sweat, dirt and stress circulated down the drain leaving me all clean and pink. Running my hands through my dirty blonde curls I decided it was time for a haircut. I had been growing my hair out, but it was taking forever, and in the meantime I looked homeless with this shaggy mop on my head. 

I stepped out of the shower stall my bare feet hitting the cold floor and dripping water everywhere. Yanking a towel off the rack I ran the material through my hair a couple of times before wrapping it around my waist. 

If this was a typical morning and I had gotten up on time this would be the hard part. The dash from the bathroom to my room was always stressful since the towel didn't cover up the scars that peeked out just above my hips. 

Shortly after Katie had been "chased off" I had stooped to the level of cutting myself. I was ashamed obviously, but it was a coping method. Sometimes when the pain gets too unbearable I take up the disgusting habit again. I wasn't stupid enough to cut my wrists, this wasn't a cry for help. It wasn't meant to end my life either. 

There was just something about that stinging pain that calmed me down, relaxed my muscles and took my mind off the other kind of pain I was experiencing. 

And when the blood gushed out of the cut it felt so... So liberating. As if all the blood that was escaping my body carried with it the evil thoughts I had. Cleansing me, in a way I guess. 

There was something about watching all that blood. Sometimes I drowned in it. 

I dragged a faded black hoodie over my head that was fraying at the seams, jumped into my usual black jeans and pulled a black beanie over the nest on my head. I didn't usually wear all black, I try to add some colour with the shirts, but today I just wasn't feeling it. 

I had this delusion that if I wore only black I would just fade into the background and no one would notice me. In reality, though, it made me stick out like a sore thumb. 

The digital clock on my phone read 7:30.

Since I was early I decided to skip the bus. I needed to feel the wind whipping at my face, to watch the trees whiz past me. 

As I thundered down the stairs Mom looked up, shocked that I was ready this early. 

"You're usually still a zombie at this hour. Is everything okay Sweetie?" Her concern was nice. I didn't really feel cared for as of late. Not that it was her fault, she was working. It's not that we were poor exactly, but when Dave left us it was a struggle to get back on our feet. He had left us deep in debt. We managed to pay everything back, but it was still hard.

Technically Dave was my biological father, but he was no 'Dad' to me. He had never treated us right and had just left when the going got tough. 

"I'm good Mom, just couldn't seep." 

Cant sleep. 

The words flashed through my mind reminding me of the text from Ryder.  

There was another reason I wasn't taking the bus. I had assumed yesterday was a fluke, they never took the bus in the mornings, but I wasn't going to take any chances.