The Twins And Me (BoyxBoyxBoy)

Comfort Crush

Seth found me hours later.

I was crouching with my head resting in my hands and my arms wrapped around my legs. 

It was lunchtime and students had started to trickle out of the building and onto the grounds. 

His figure came into focus from a distance, making a straight beeline towards me.

It was Seth who was always there for me, who took care of me when Katie left. 

It was Seth who I adored. His calm demeanor, and friendly attitude. He had a boyish charm along with the whole American boy-next-door vibe going for him. 

I had to return to my original fantasy, my secret crush on Seth. It was more realistic and healthier. Seth wouldn't send me spiraling into panic attacks.

"Hey man." He knelt down next to me.

The simple act of coming to get me and make sure I was alright since I had missed class was enough to bring me back to reality. 

I watched out of the corner of my eye as he raised his hand, with the intention of resting it on my shoulder in a sort of comforting way. It came to a stop inches away from my shirt. 

Another reason why I valued him, he respected my 'no touching' policy. Most people didn't understand it, why would I reject a sign of affection? But I just couldn't allow anyone to come into physical contact with me. I knew it was pathetic, and it made me a freak, but I couldn't help it. Unless I was mentally prepared to touch someone, it repulsed me. 

Then why had I let Jay touch me like that? He had taken complete control of my body including my instincts. It had felt so right, just handing the leash over, to let someone else lead the way. 

Yet afterward all I had felt was... Violated. 

I inhaled Seth's familiar cologne, finding relief in the intoxicating scent as he leaned closer to me to see my face.  

He had a bit of an obsession with his scent and buying cologne in bulk. It was an addiction - much like my sweater habits. We couldn't shop in a store without buying at least one. It had gotten to a point where I had triple the number of sweaters to my shirts. 

"I don't want people to recognize a certain smell and think "Oh, that reminds me of Seth." I want them to think "Oh, that person smells like Seth."" He once told me. And so he had created his own signature scent, from combining three colognes and one perfume. It worked to perfection. 

"You doing okay? You're not looking too good. " His brown eyes glinted in the sun, giving them the illusion of swirling honey. They were so expressive, his eyes. All of his emotions were on the surface. 

There was just this pureness about him, an innocence. 

"I'm fine." Obviously not. Even I could hear the tremor in my voice. 

"Hmm." He touched his tongue to his top lip, a habit he had developed after he decided to stop biting his nails.  "You need food. You missed lunch."

He jumped up a smile dancing across his face. "You up for Mickey D's?" He reached out his hand for me to pull myself up.

I beamed up at him and clasped his hand in mine. "Always."

Another reason why Seth was the perfect cliche crush: He rode a motorcycle. 

He tossed the spare helmet at me, which I had basically claimed as mine. It was a little tradition of ours, going out every Wednesday night to McDonald's. It was sort of like a date night. It had become a private place for us where we would go and talk for hours away from the prying eyes of fellow students. 

I reached up to pull off my beanie and put on the helmet when my hand met with only air. It must have fallen off during my 'encounter' with Jay. 

God, it was so humiliating to think about. 

"Yo Seth, I forgot my bag and my skateboard." The thought of asking him to go and retrieve them for me crossed my mind. But here he was, willing to ditch school just to cheer me up. I wouldn't and couldn't ask him to run a stupid errand for me. 

"Be back in a sec." He nodded and I turned, starting the dreaded walk back to the cursed room. 

It was like a reverse walk of shame, returning to the scene of the crime. I could feel peoples eyes boring into my back as I walked past as if they somehow knew what I did. 

I muttered a silent prayer as I slowly turned the door handle. It slid open silently, creating a crack just big enough to peek through. It was empty. I rushed in, grabbing my bag and skateboard that were placed neatly on the bed. 

I was out the door in a flash, barely managing to resist the urge to run again, when I remembered the beanie. 

Turning back around, I dove back into the room, scouring for the washed out grey piece of clothing. 

It wasn't on the bed, nor was it underneath it. I scanned the floor in desperation. 

Knowing Seth he was probably getting antsy just about now. 

Right on cue, my phone started ringing.

"Yo man where you at? Soon there isn't going to be any school to ditch!" 

"I'm on my way now. Hold your horses." I'd just have to leave the beanie for tomorrow. It wasn't that urgent anyway, and worst case scenario it would end up in the lost and found, where I could just pick it up. 

I swung my leg over the purring machine, after securing my skateboard to the back of it. And then we were off. 

§      §      §

"So." Seth slid his tray down the table and it skidded to a halt right across from mine. 

"So?" I shot back raising my eyebrows at him. 

He sat down in his chair placing his elbows on the table and leaned forward. 

"Want to talk about it?" He murmured in a hushed tone. His eyes were sympathetic and filled with worry. "You haven't had a panic attack in school for ages now. Did something trigger it?" 

Jay. Handjob. 

"No. I mean, yes. But no." 

"Riley..." He trailed off. "That makes no sense." His tone was mocking but I knew he was just playing. 

He leaned in closer over the table, and in turn, I gravitated towards him. "You know you can talk to me right?" His breath fanned my face, and if he got any closer our noses would touch. 

I know. Honestly, I'm okay." Liar. You're a liar Riley. Why are you lying to your only friend? 

The answer was simple. I liked him. ANd he already knew too much about how damaged I was to be able to like me back. 

His hand slithered over mine, laying to rest on top of it. The air got caught in my throat, he was too close. 

Close like Jay had been. 

"I - um," My voice was cracking, I sounded like I was going through puberty a second time. "I need a refill!" I jumped out of the plastic chair and stumbled my way over to the counter. 

"Can - can I have another coke please?" The employee smiled at me kindly and went to work filling up another cup. 

"Thank you." I passed the cash to her and turned around, ready to face Seth. 

"Shit!" Unaware that there was someone standing directly behind me, I had crashed into them, spilling my drink all over them. "I'm so sorry!" I immediately started dabbing frantically at the wet area on the tight black shirt. 

"Calm down little minou." Shit shit shit. 

This chapter is dedicated to @Nolifewhatsoever1 for pushing me to write this chapter, to get out of my writing slump. You have her to thank for it - so go and show her some love by checking out her book!