It's a long way down from here

Chapter ten

Days past, sleepless nights became a part of my life again. Tired baggy eyes were my new look. Riley looked the same, but different. I mean, she looked like Riley but, she didn't. I can't explain it but she just changed. Ugh today is the 15th day I'm giving to Riley. For the past 15 days she has been giving me reasons and giving me a life I would want to live but you can't want a life to live if you don't want to live at all. Riley has been so good to me but she won't be there forever and I can tell that I am not good for her. Her touch just feels colder, more distant. I think I fell in love with her but I hate love, love can fuck off.

Who needs it anyways...

Sitting at this cold, glass table I have a decision to make.

Even in this there's pressure...

To be or not to be. As the quote goes. To die or not to die. Should I jump and end it all. Within a 15 minute drive I could find my happy place.
I could let my feet dangle off the edge, and let the weight of my chest pull me forward, free fall.

So close yet so far away...

The thoughts in my head are just too much.

Not even she could drown them out...

Riley gave me the time of my life but all good things must come to an end.

It's funny that my life won't be one of those things; it was never good to begin with...

At least now I can say; I didn't die without doing everything I wanted to do.

Except for being with Riley, just holding her and kissing her beautiful pink lips...

Ugh, I'll never know the feeling...

Just do it...

I picked up the cold metal pen and grabbed a piece of blank paper.

Awh one step closer...

Tapping the pen on the table just thinking of what to write... Should I write, I don't know anything anymore. You know what I would want someone to tell me why, so I will write.

Almost there...

As my pen danced across the page I finally felt the weight lifted off my chest and I could breathe again.

90% completed...