That night of ours

Chapter 14

~~~~~kindly put on your playlist ~~~~~~
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I slept almost the whole day. I was tired. Tired of everything. It almost felt like being dead was better. We were going to leave tomorrow morning. I was sitting on my bed. I pulled my hair up into a bun. He went in to the room from the bathroom. His hair was wet and there was a towel on his waist. I got up from my bed to go to the bathroom. I could feel his hand grab my arm. "What is up with you?" He asked seriously. I just went to the bathroom without saying a word. I wasn't in the mood for doing anything.I wondered what is it like to live with a family? Is it save and warm like everyone else says? I stood under the water clearing my head. I didn't wanna think or talk. I just wanted to stay alone with nothing to do. I didn't want to hurt Shawn by not talking to him. But I wasn't really in the mood. I got my sweatpants on with  an oversized pink hoodie. I went out and throw myself on my bed. I didn't even brush my hair.  I could feel his hands in my wet hair. I could feel him brush my hair. I let him do it without moving. He braided it all to the back. I sat facing him. He took my face between his soft hands. He pecked a kiss on my lips. "I'm sorry." I said as our foreheads were touching. "I love you." He said as we leaned in for another kiss. I liked the way he kissed me. It filled me with relieve. It made me feel the warmth and the happiness a family can give me. Shawn was no longer my boss nor my friend nor my lover. He was my family.

I woke up to his voice whispering in my ears. He was playing with a strand of my hair. We heard a knock on the door. Shit! "Room service, Mr Mendes!" We heard a woman say. I sighed in a relive. I actually thought it was Andrew and it was the end. "Thanks." He said as he closed the door. He came with a plate full of food. It was hamburgers with some soda and fries. He sat next to me. He gave me his red hoodie. I put it on. He took a sandwich and brought it up to my mouth. "I am not hungry, Shawn." I said as I closed my mouth. "You didn't eat from yesterday. Please, Toni. You have to move on. I want you back. My Toni." He said. I could feel the pain in his voice. It reminded me of the pain I heard in Justin's voice before he died and my father's voice yesterday. I took his hand with the sandwich and took a bite that made my mouth full. "Happy now?" I asked with my mouth full of food. He laughed. I was happy that he laughed. Sometimes I just do stuff don't wanna do to make other people happy. I mean don't we all do it?

I was packing our stuff. I was still wearing his hoodie with my underwears. My hair was lose. I finally finished packing. I jumped to my bed. I got my phone. I looked at the date. I only had 1 more week with Shawn. We will go to Paris for two days. And then we will go to Toronto for three days. We will take two days to get back to New York. Oh god! This won't be enough. Not enough at all.

We were back at the tour bus. I had to put all of our clothes back. And of course we had Andrew looking after us everywhere we go now. I never knew the reason. When we arrived at Paris, Andrew took Shawn and they went to choose the stage. I didn't go with them. I kept getting calls from my parents. Well, my father was the one who called more. He kept sending voice messages. Saying that he needs to see me and he wanted me back home. I couldn't think straight. A part of me wanted to feel loved between a family again. Another part was dead and didn't want anyone by my side. I was really confused. I was wearing a white skirt and a black crop-top along with high heels. I let my hair lose. I wanted some of this Paris fresh air. I went out of the bus and took a taxi. It was night. I sat at a table in a cafe in the middle of Paris. I ordered some coffee with cookies. I got out the sketch I bought when we were in London. I started to draw his curly hair along with his baby face and his amazing smile that shows his perfect white teeth. I went to his perfect muscular body. I drew him with every detail. I drew his tattoos on his arm, upper arm and his hand. He was sitting with his guitar in his hands. His fingers on the strings. I could feel my bag vibrate on the table. It was Miss Bakers. "Hello. How are you, Miss Bakers?" I said. "Hello dear Toni, I am so fine. How are you? How is the new job going?" She said happily. Miss Bakers was always good at playing my grandma's role. I have never met my real grandparents. My mother's parents are both divorced and her father died and her mother lives in North Africa. My father's parents are both dead. "Everything is great. The job is going great!" I lied. I was always good at lying. Or at least she always believed me. "How is muggy doing?" I asked. I left him with her. Muggy was a homeless dog that I found one day outside the college. I gave him some food then he started following me everywhere. He was a golden. I took him to the vet and then he was my best friend every. He loved Miss Bakers. He always went to stay with her when I wasn't home. He made her happy as well. "He is doing great. He misses you by the way." She said as I heard his voice barking. "It is okay. One more week and I will be home." I said. "Okay, dear. I have to go. Be safe." She said as she hung up. This call kinda of made me feel better. I went on completing my drawing, thinking about what would happen when I go back home. I knew from the beginning that we won't work out. But at least it felt good. Really good.