6:17pm UK Time
Monday 9th July 2018
Im hanging out with Vika, Nat, Jack and T, its all fun but i wish Erin was here i miss her, she is at her grandparents house, so she can't come hang out, i just want hugs from her and just to lay down and cuddle and watch he clouds drift past us, saying what shapes or animals we can see, i love Erin alot, i feel like she is my soul mate but Nicole keeps saying "highschool relationship don't last, there is no point in dating anyone as if won't ever last"
I feel like if i lose Erin a big part of me is gonna be torn away again, my last girlfriend Mairead, i loved her, i loved her alot but the bullies, the bullies wouldn't stop judging me, it had already been 6 years of it, i could take anymore, so i had to break up with her, losing her made me feel so fucking low, and i felt like nothing mattered anymore i just wanted to end it, but i was told i was not allowed to. So i didn't.
I really love Erin, i adore her, she is my muse, my world, my universe, my everything i live for, but i feel like im a shit girlfriend, i would love to walk around hand in hand with her at school i would love to sit down at sanctuary club and just cuddle and talk about what is good and what is bad and what worries us the most, i just wish i was more confident with myself.
I just wish i was able to kiss her on the head and say how much i adore her, i would die for that girl, i would jump in front of a train to save her, i would take a bullet for her, i just wish i could say all of this is to her adorable, gorgeous face.
I love her smile, oh god her smileee, its so cute and adorable, her laugh is music to my ears, she is so cute and i always tell her....but i still can't say it to her face? What the fuck is wrong with me?
I......I don't know anymore.
~ Astrid xoxo
