8:45pm UK time
11th Wednesday 2018
So, i may be going up to Norwich tomorrow as Build-A-Bare is having a sale thing, "pay your age day" any stuffie will be £14 and I'm very excited about it.
Tøp released two new songs today and i love them so so so much, i have missed them both, I'm happy they are well and feeling better, they deserved a break, and i will always be by their side if they choose to go on another.
I feel like crying but i can't let people see how weak i am, how he has broken me, i keep remembering what happened to me it wont go away it wont leave, i have told people about it and its made it worse, i just want it all to stop i can't deal with this anymore, its draining all the life out of me and i don't know how much longer i can cope with all of it.
The pressure of school, the pressure of looking nice that day, the pressure of making people happy, everything, its not stopping, it gives me literal pain, it hurts.
The pain i get, its always in my heart, and it hurts for a few minutes but i act like im fine because if i show how i feel people will question me and i dont like questions, people won't leave me alone.
I know i don't write alot but i just log how im feeling
I really just want to be a loner, i just wish my "friends" would say how they actually feel about me instead of faking it, i can see right through them why don't they understand that? Its obvious if they don't want to be near or talk to me.
My mind is a mess, and i can't sort it, i dont know what to do, he won't stop he wants me to do stuff to myself again, I'm 2 days clean and i feel stupid, i know i will go back and slice up my arms, legs, stomach, and chest again, it will probably be tonight, i won't tell people though, im not gonna be a pest, i will be invisible like usual.
I feel like, I'm going to break soon, like all of my problems i have will get worse and will push me over the edge and i will fall deeper and deeper into this hell that i live.
I am never truthful with my "friends" i never have been, it's always been lies i have told them, but they believe it so whom cares, i guess this mask i have will be staying for the rest of my life, they dont seem to notice so i wi just keep "happy" just for them.
I want Erin.
I want to cry, i want to die, i just want to crawl in a box and not ever come back out, i just want to be forgotten, i just want to be invisible to everyone, i have it when people say they "care" because the so clearly don't. It's so fucking obvious they make it so clear that they really dont give a fuck and that its all fake.
I understand if people done wanna be with me, i always talk about something that ruins the day, i just want to sleep and never wake ever again, i just want to cry and cry and cry, hopefully one day i will get a silver bullet through my head, then no one would worry about someone whom is so worthless and so useless to this world.
I give up, i can't do this anymore....
I wish she saw this......
~ Glitch xoxo
