Opinions and thoughts

July 9th

I know not what to wright. I know not what to think. I know not what to speak of, to dream of. My opinions and pains seem completely irrelevant to the rest of the world. I believe I speak in excess detail. I believe Myself to be extremely plain and dull person. I find myself blaming my mistakes on others. Nothing is fully my fault, I will never allow myself to take full blame. I find myself believing that you are nothing but your parents. My mother is not a bad person, but it terrifies me to no explainable end. It bring me to believe the thoughts and opinions are worthless in this giant puzzle of humanity. No matter how hard you try, you will never be relevant enough to stand out. No matter the diversity that you hold yourself to think in, no matter the individuality that you expect of yourself. You will never, by yourself, leave any mark or belief in this world to live on without you. You are virtually nothing without the agreement of others. It takes numerous believers to construct any sort of agreement. The only sense of individuality that I will ever  experience has no purpose, nor meaning. The illusion of the emotions I feel have no purpose or meaning. We are all worthless bits and pieces, scattered about, until a similar belief brings us together. We are all parts to a whole. Torn apart by the mourn for diversity, individuality. To truly isolate and distance yourself from the rest is the only means by which you may reach true individuality. It is emotional suicide. And you will find yourself immediately regretting your decision. You will mourn to be whole once more. To dream of the place you once held in a whole without reason.

The opinions and beliefs of others only confuse me further. I hold myself to the believe that unity is power. Intellect is virtually worthless if you cannot explain your understanding.
He said god is not one to be melded with.
An individuals opinion only matters once it is agreed with by the mass. But sadly, that would no longer be an individuals opinion. Then it would become a statement. A fact amongst society. And I fear my head will always act this way. I force myself to ignore the possibility that this may just be me. And the questions, the isolation I always slightly feel Myself sunken into. The constant feeling of my mind racing. It may just be who I am. I can not blame this on anything. I find even more fear in waking up one day as a total stranger to myself. Maybe even more than I fear never understanding myself. I cannot physically comprehend the entirety of my personality, but I have the basic ability of grasping the key concepts of my Myself.
I am creative. When I become overwhelmed, I snap horribly. I fear what I do not know. I am curious of what I do not know. I hold my philosophy's and beliefs above everything else. I am deeply opinionated and connected to most around me. I enjoy being alone. I have emotions. I am a deeply emotional being.
And those emotions, like the rest of my character, are buried deep into the universe and all around me. I may not ever know who I am entirely. And that terrifies me.