I yelled and cried and shouted 'Wake up' but nothing happened.
No one moved, no one made a sound
And in that moment i realised how loud silence was and how bad it killed me.
It killed me the fact that seeing him wasn't going to happen anymore. It killed me the fact that the person in front of me wasn't my husband.
Because my husband could not be weak even when he felt sick.
My husband couldn't die.
The person in front of me wasn't my husband because he never allowed me to see him in a bad state.
He couldn't be in a bed, laying there lifeless, because my husband wasn't like that.
His small hands that i once held were placed on the edges of the bed, looking like he tried to stay alive, like he wanted to. Like he held on tight to be strong
His eyes were closed and i couldn't ever had a chance to see his blue ocean eyes anymore.
And his face was so pale, that it made me feel sick in my stomach because of how beautifully colored his skin was once and how healthy it looked.
His black hair was all gone and threads and stitches were there instead of it.
Our little angel's situation wasn't much different.
His little dead body produced us so much pain, that left us breathless in the waiting room.
And my husband's blue eyes were so dark then, that i could see my reflection so clearly, thing that scared me so bad, like i could lose him anytime.
Because minutes later, he fainted
Pain was destroying us, but it consumed my husband so much, that eventually he fell sick too.
And i told him desperately that he could not leave me, not after our kid died.
And i think he tried.
But it wasn't enough.
I wasn't enough.
Nothing was.
Now i don't even remember their voices; the voices i was so desperate to hear once more.
I was so sick.
I am so sick.
He didn't even say 'goodbye'. He left me like that all alone, just like our kid did.
I was angry.
I was angry at him, at myself, at anyone around me; and that's how i lost everyone.
And little by little, the anger became madness, and the madness became silence.
Pain changes people. In good or in bad.
But i was so sick of changes.
I was so sick of losing the things i cherished the most, the people i loved the most.
I was so sick of losing my feelings.
