I put on some weight since they died.
It may seem strange but i was never the type that eats healthy food, exercises and has a well balanced lifestyle in general.
I was not that type until i met him; he changed me, he was my savior.
He cared. Sungbin cared. My husband cared.
We were friends- actually he was my friend's Taeji best friend.
Taeji was talking shit about me and saying how rude i was so Sungbin decided to fight me.
Kinda funny that Taeji was homophobic and me being gay was the reason why he replaced me.
When Sungbin came to fight me we talked for a while and it became so nice since he seemed very caring.
He was very caring.
We talked for so much that i even ended up telling him that i'm gay and he seemed pretty surprised.
I panicked for some minutes, thinking he had something with homosexuals, but that immediately vanished away after talking more about the subject.
He couldn't believe how a person could be homophobic and when i told him that Taeji was, he almost passed out.
We started hanging out a lot after he left his best friend.
The thing is that he didn't say a simple 'goodbye' to Taeji.
He dragged me along and kissed my lips right in front of him.
I didn't know what to feel, or how to feel about that. Everything seemed so unrealistic because the boy i was starting to like was kissing me.
And i over though the whole situation, recalling every imperfection i had in my head over and over again.
And i put myself down so much.
I never wanted to create this idea of him liking me back because it wasn't healthy. But me acting like that wasn't either.
Who would have feelings for me anyway?
....in the end, he did. He loved me truly until the day he left this world.
Just like he promised at the church, just like he promised when we married.
The time when he confessed his feeling for me i was so surpriesed that i couldn't get myself to say a word for a good amount of time.
Sometimes i ask myself how i can bear the pain like that and go on with my life, knowing i have no one.
I know he would want me to be strong and never look back.
I know he wanted the best for me, but i don't.
And my sick mind pushes me to the edge everytime i think about him.
And the feeling is so unbearable that i feel myself getting weaker and weaker every time that happens.
His voice may be gone from my head but the memories are killing me slowly.
