Die a lonely guy ♡ Weekman

10

A month later💫
Dallon 🌙

They say losing a best friend is more damaging than losing a lover. Yet what if you're in love with your best friend & lose them? Does that count as losing one or both? I never even had him as a lover, so I guess I lost one.

But when he explained to me that he was moving in with Brendon, I felt that I lost everything.

I sound idiotic, I'm aware of this. But him moving away led to us barely even talking. He won't admit it, but we're barely even friends anymore.

Ryan tried to make sure I'm safe, mentally & physically. I understand that he's trying to help me, but he doesn't understand. There's no saving me.

💫

"Dallon... Why?"

I just looked down. Why.... What a simple question. Why is my life the way it is?? Why is the sun not rising when I wake up?? Why am I waking up?? Why did you have to come into the bathroom?? Why did I forget to lock it?? Why.

"Dal, please TALK to me."

His desperate tone of voice should probably make me feel guilty.

But I don't feel. I know this makes me a detestable person, but... I don't care. I don't care about my crying ex roommate. I don't care about my blood that's dripping onto the bathroom carpet.

The sky looks so gray today, and the light matches me. It's no real light but it's not dark either. Just gray.

"Dallon LOOK AT ME!! please...."

Ryan is still crying and I wonder for how long he will continue like this until he finally lets me go. I'm bored.

"It can't go on like this. You are not speaking to me and you're always in your room and now THIS. I just want to HELP you...."

Drop. Drop. The blood flow isn't stopping as fast as normally. I must have cut deeper this time.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?! LOOK AT ME!!"

The touch surprised me and I fight against his tight grip. When I finally push him away he falls to the ground. Now his hands look just like my arms too. He covers his face and smears the blood all over it. When he realises what he just did ryan picks himself up and stumbles to the sink. A mistake. Ryan forgot that there was even more blood in it. Now that tearful stare at me again.

"Why..."

"Because I wanna die before I'm old."