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18

Cold. Emptiness. Those words didn't even come close to how I was feeling. I stood in front of the casket of my best friend motionless. The amount of tears flowing down my face caused all sense of sight to fade away. Everything was blurry. I couldn't bring myself to look. Every now and then I would get a hug from someone or a comforting hand on my shoulder. None of it mattered. My best friend was gone.

I stood there, a chill up my spine. How could this have happened. How could my best friend be dead. I didn't even get to apologize to her. It's my fault she's dead.

The minutes passed like days and I felt as though I would never be rid of this uneasy feeling in my stomach.

I looked to my right to see Charlie sitting in a chair, looking at the floor. It took every bone in my body move my legs in his direction. I felt so weak.

When I got to where Charlie was, I sat in the chair next to him. I didn't say anything but I did take his hand, tracing my thumb across the top of his knuckles. He put his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes, embracing the comfort I gave him.

~

There was only about ten minutes left for people to view Alyssa's body and give their condolences. I had walked outside a little while ago to get a breath of fresh air when I saw him.
Jeremy Smith.

He looked just as he had when he was little. He had the same bright green eyes, the same freckles that dusted his nose and the same slender posture.

"I...I felt bad for what I did to you two when I was young and I wanted to apologize so I was getting ready to send the message and I chickened out. I know how Alyssa was. She was never going to forgive me so I just never answered the text back and tried to forget about it." He frowned, looking down at his feet. "Of course I really didn't have a chance to clear my mind of it as I happened to be following some of our old classmates who now go to your high school on Instagram and I saw everyone posting pictures of Alyssa and that's when I realized that she died." He sighed and when I looked into his eyes, they were beginning to flood with tears. "I'm so sorry... for everything."

We talked for a little while longer until Jeremy went into the funeral parlor and as I stood on the steps looking out at the fading sun, leaves blowing by my feet and a crisp breeze tickling my neck, I felt like things might actually be okay.

~

When the weekend was over, I realized it was already Wednesday. Charlie and I had missed three days of school. Actually now that I think about it, almost everyone in our grade had missed Monday and Tuesday. They all came to show support and grieve over Alyssa.

Charlie and I were allowed as much time as we needed before coming back to school, but no matter how much time had passed, the sadness I felt didn't go away, it just stayed the same.

Charlie and I came back to school the following Monday, but everything was different. People had gotten over the initial shock that Alyssa was gone and now they were all obsessed with who the killer could be.

Of course the first person they suspected was me. Word had gotten around the school fast about how we fought and weren't talking anymore. For Alyssa to be dead just three weeks later, knowing that we hadn't made up, people believed I was responsible no matter how much the principal and cops clarified that I wasn't the killer.

No one talked to me and the people that did only confronted me to ask me what my reasoning was for killing Alyssa and how I did it.

As I walked the halls, I could see all eyes on me and hear them whispering. It was hard enough losing Alyssa but to have everyone think you're the killer was just sick.

Weeks passed and I was still the one thing everyone talked about. I was emotionless and people tended to avoid me. It wasn't just because of how I was acting in school, it was because they still think I'm the killer.

I walked around school going through the motions. I wasn't really there. It was as if I had floated out of my body and it took off without me, continuing on with my life.

In class I sat there, not paying any attention. I didn't go to my daydreams however, I just let the memory of our fight float back into my mind as usual. It haunted me. She was gone and I never said sorry. I broke our friendship up. If we never had this fight she never would have had to come over to my house and she wouldn't have died.

The bell had rang one Friday afternoon, signaling it was time for the weekend. I went to my locker and put my books away as I had no homework this weekend. As I shut my locker, I heard laughing behind me.

I was going to ignore the laughter but when I turned around, the very people making fun of me were blocking my way out. I looked to see one of the last people I ever expected to be laughing at me. Isabella. She looked to her friend Jamie as she spoke, a smug smirk on her face. That girl that I once thought was pretty and nice turned ugly right before my eyes.

"Look Jamie, it's Aubrey. It just makes me so sad to think about her. How could someone be so cruel as to kill their best friend over one, little, fight." My heart dropped. Could they ever stop bothering me. I didn't kill Alyssa. 

"How sick do you think I am? I didn't kill Alyssa." Isabella laughed and then smiled, causing me to clench my fists. "Please, you wanted this to happen. Besides, she deserved it anyway." I suddenly lost it. I lifted my arm only to shove my fist straight into her face. Isabella stumbled a few feet backwards and Jamie ran to her pulling her down the hallway in the opposite direction. I leaned against the lockers for support but lost my balance as I broke down, falling to the floor.

I was sitting on the floor with my face in my hands when I heard the shuffling of feet. I groaned thinking it was probably the principal coming or another group of kids preparing to taunt me.

I looked up to see Charlie peering down at me. "I heard what happened. Are you okay?" I shook my head, a tear escaping my eye as I did. "Come on, I don't want you to cry here. Don't let them win." Charlie held out his hand and I took it, allowing him to pull me up off the floor as he lead me outside towards the parking lot.

Once we were inside Charlie's car, he turned to me. "How's your hand?" I looked down to my hand, completely forgetting what I had just put it through. My knuckles were already bruising and there was blood dripping down the side of my hand. "It's been better." My comment caused Charlie to laugh as he inspected my hand.

"We should probably go home so I could wrap that for you." I nodded my head subconsciously but then stopped when he mentioned the word home. I had completely forgotten to go back home and look at that watch. "Before we do that, I need you to stop at my house. I found something." Charlie knew I must have meant something involving Alyssa's death so he turned on the car and started to head straight for my house without saying another word.