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20

I couldn't do anything but stare into his eyes. I was mesmerized.

I looked at Charlie's lips one final time before I lifted my neck up slightly, closing the gap between us.

I didn't have to worry about my neck hurting as my head returned to the ground, Charlie deepening the kiss further.

Before I knew it, my hands were wrapped in his hair and I could feel myself getting lost but at the same time, it was the first time I discovered everything inside me.

His lips were soft on mine, but tender. I could feel him smiling into the kiss, making my heart flutter.

I had dreamed about kissing Charlie before but nothing could have prepared me for what I was feeling at this moment.

Though I had never actually kissed anyone before, this seemed different then how a first kiss would go. Was it possible to feel so much love from that person that you thought your heart would explode? I always knew that kissing someone was powerful, but with Charlie I felt every emotion at once.

Charlie stopped kissing me for a moment and lifted his head away far enough that he could see my whole face. He put all his weight onto one arm as he lifted his other to move a stray piece of hair from my face.

I didn't say anything and instead I just looked at him, taking him in. He was smiling and it was the same smile he always gave me after we joked around or when I would do something clumsy. His brown irises were filled with admiration and love as he stared at me.

He made me go from feeling completely vulnerable to feeling absolutely safe with just the look he gave me.

He seemed to finally find his voice as he spoke, the smile never once fleeting from his lips.

"You're beautiful."

My pale cheeks we suddenly painted red as a blush spread throughout my face.

I tried to hide the color in my face that continued to get darker and darker, but it was no use. Charlie didn't seem to mind as leaned closer to my face once more, kissing me again.

This time I couldn't help but smile into the kiss as his lips touched mine. I knew this was a feeling I never wanted to forget.

~

My eyes were closed during the kiss but all of a sudden, I couldn't open them. I heard the faint calling of my name but it seemed so far away. Why couldn't I answer them? Why couldn't I open my eyes.

Suddenly the voice got so close that it made me jump slightly, causing my eyes to open. I saw Charlie looking down at me worry written all over his face. Was I that bad of a kisser?

I was in a daze when he spoke again, his voice becoming softer as I looked at him. "Are you okay? You fell on the ground pretty hard." I wanted to look at my surrounds but my gaze wouldn't leave Charlie's face. I only nodded my head, not knowing what else to say.

When a few seconds passed, my voice resurfaced, only for me to embarrass myself. "I've fallen off of your bed before. How was falling off of your bed now any different?" Charlie looked at me puzzled, but then spoke again. "We aren't in my room. We are in the living room and you fell off of the couch. Remember we were having a movie marathon?" I didn't want to seem stupid. How could I have forgotten that?

"Yea I remember. It's just all carpeted floors feel the same so I thought we were upstairs." Why did I have to open up my mouth? I looked at Charlie who seemed to almost be holding in a laugh as he spoke. "The floor is hardwood down here." I didn't say anymore as I tried to get up.

It took a few tries, with me grabbing on to Charlie the whole time, until I finally got my balance. "Right, so I'm gonna go take a shower." That was all I could muster from my mouth as I headed for the exit of the kitchen but not before Charlie called after me. "Don't forget we are going to the mall for Christmas shopping at 11." I froze, thinking back to the daze that I was in before reality hit me like a truck. "Right, that was real." I mumbled to myself until I heard Charlie's voice again. "What did you say?" Dammit, he heard me thinking out loud. "I said, right, that's a deal!" I tried to make my voice as excited as I could before I ran up the stairs straight for the bathroom.

As I stood in the shower, my thoughts were jumbled and all over the place. Was the whole kiss with Charlie real? The plans about us going Christmas shopping had been so did that mean I really did kiss Charlie? How could I have acted so stupid in front of him! How could I go Christmas shopping with him or even be around him? Every time I look at him, my stomach roars and I suddenly feel nervous as if I can't control my feelings anymore. Almost as if my body is telling me not to control my feelings anymore and just tell Charlie I like him. No I couldn't do that. He doesn't like me in that way. It would ruin our friendship. It would ruin everything.

I rested my head against the cold, tiled wall in hopes that somehow everything would fix itself. Why has everything gotten so confusing all of a sudden?