The Brightside ~ A Lil Peep Fan Fiction

~five~

It was an odd sensation to be sat in someone's flat like this and actually feel safe, in fact, it was the first time in months that I didn't feel threatened in any way at all, just comfortable, like I could actually relax.
I looked around Gus' room a little more and the more I did the more I could see the signs of a drug problem, he could quite possibly be an addict, wouldn't surprise me with how easy it seemed for him to pick up gear, though I suppose when you had money it would always be simple.
I got up and walked over to the chest of drawers still a little wary of actually taking advantage of Gus' hospitality, but I pulled open the top drawer anyway and found it to be messy and stuffed full of various clothing items, there didn't seem to be any kind of order to it, underwear, socks, t-shirts were all bundled up and shoved in the tiny rectangle space, and I rooted through it until I found a simple enough looking black shirt with a white cartoon skull printed on the front of it, I could tell some of the stuff in there was expensive so I deliberately made the conscious effort to avoid it, I really didn't want him to start thinking I was only here for his money, it was genuinely the last thought on my mind, I was just happy to have a roof over my head that didn't require me to use my body as payment.

After I grabbed the shirt I walked out of the room, and headed back toward the bathroom, the soft pink glow from Bexey's lava lamps shining into the hallway from his open door now the only thing lighting my way, but I didn't mind that, I actually preferred the darkness, at least when I felt comfortable anyway, it was nice to be able to appreciate it again.
I opened the bathroom door to find a free standing bathtub and a walk in shower as my options, and as much as a long relaxing bath sounded like heaven in that moment I didn't want to take liberties, so I turned, switched the light on and locked the door, deciding being able to really scrub myself clean in the shower was actually a far better option, because god knows I probably stank, I hadn't had the chance for a proper wash in weeks.
As I got undressed I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror over the sink and felt sickened by what I saw, bones poked out from my tiny frame a side effect of both lack of nutrition and cocaine use, I stopped and stood there in my underwear, inspecting myself, my long dark hair looked ratty and greasy, the circles under my eyes were so purple they looked almost bruised, I looked fragile, and a complete shadow of the girl I once was before, my mind tumbled uninvited into another memory...

"Why don't you just try it? C'mon Vee, it's prom, we're sixteen, you only live once." I stood in my floor length deep red dress inspecting myself in the full length mirror of the hotel toilets, we'd just arrived at the venue and my friend had somehow gotten her hands on some kind of white powder that she insisted was cocaine but was probably cut with shit. I had always been taught that drugs were the absolute worst route anyone could choose to take, and I had successfully avoided them all until now, even on the late nights running wild and drinking on the streets with my friends, I held my hand up to all of it, I numbed my pain with alcohol and the occasional razor blade across my thighs just fine, no matter how much I missed my mum, I felt like I could avoid at least one bad habit, but this was meant to be a celebration right? "Vee?" The blonde girl, who's name was ironically Molly was stood by a toilet stall her voice insistent, we knew we had to be quick because the teachers had promised there would be regular bathroom checks and if we got caught we'd all be screwed.

"Okay, but, i'll never do it again." I turned to her stubbornly and she squealed in excitement at my agreement.

"I sorted the lines just snort it." She came over to me and dragged me by the arm to the stall she'd been stood by previously and right there on the lid were as she said, five little white lines of powder, her debit card and a tightly rolled five pound note. I looked at her for more direction as the door closed behind us, after all, I really was that clueless. "Hold your other nostril shut, put the fiver in the other one and breathe in, it's not that hard Vee." She sounded impatient as I knelt down in the tight space to follow her instructions.