Stellina

Beside the Lemon Tree

She hadn't even said goodbye before they reached the courtyard. She hadn't paused for a moment to reflect on all the days spent in their quaint apartment, hadn't smiled sadly as she crossed the cobblestone roads of Rue Chape one last time, nor did she stroll by the waters to hear the lap of the waves. No tears slid down her cheek as her mother hugged her for the final time, her face blotchy from days of crying.

Lina didn't think about anything except standing in the shadows of the courtyard, fragrant with citrus aromas, and her father would hug her and call her Stellina, and how once she left they would talk about nice things like a delicious pastry she had for lunch, or the crisp fall air.

So when little Cerise came scurrying towards her as she neared the mossy courtyard, Lina wished only to shove her away and disappear into the shadows. Her fiery curls stuck out in all directions, as haphazard as Lina felt in that moment. She nearly collapsed into a heap of a sapphire woolen coat at Lina's feet. "Lina," she cried, breaths escaping her mouth in shallow gasps. "Lina, Curt told me... He told me you were going away. Forever." She paused to sniffle, tears clinging to her cheeks. "This isn't true, is it? You just can't leave Luka behind. He loves you!"

Lina grimaced. How many times did she have to say that? Her hands remained glued to her side as Cerise buried her face in her stomach, embracing her in a flurry of tears and the faint aroma of cherries. "Look, Cerise. I... I can't get into this now. I just can't. I have to say goodbye to my sister now," she whispered, her eyes fogging with tears as she gazed into the glistening ones of Cerise. "I'm going to live with my father now."

Another sniffle. "But what about the rest of your family?"

Lina pursed her lips. Containing the sobs. "They're not who I thought they were. I'm not who I thought I was. No one is, Cerise, including Luka. I'm surprised Curt didn't tell you, but he went away too. To Germany, like I asked. And I don't think he'll ever come back."

Cerise jerked away from Lina, furrowing her eyebrows. Her fingers flew across her rosy cheeks, flinging the tears off. "You sent him away?" It was a mere whisper; a faint interjection in the cool, still air. Yet it was still there, accusing Lina. Even Cerise seemed to know what Lina had done.

Lina didn't need to say anything in response.

"That's not you, Lina," she mumbled, wiping a stray auburn hair from her temple. "To hurt someone like that."

Her words stung her entire being, causing Lina to recoil into the inky shadows. She couldn't think about him. Not now, not when she had to say goodbye to her family in just a few moments. She inhaled, choosing her words carefully this time, not wishing to snap at a little girl with tears and traces of croissant crumbs smeared around her lips. "That's because I'm not who I thought I was."

Cerise held her breath, her round, teary eyes gazing up at her. "No, Lina..."

Lina shook her head, stepping backward into the depths of the night. "My mother is waiting for me. Goodbye, Cerise."

And with that, she spun around, not allowing her gaze to linger on the curly frizz of red hair, her silver eyes, nor her innocent tears one moment longer. For Lina knew that she would never see the little girl again.

And she couldn't bear to think of all the people and places she'd have to say goodbye to any longer than necessary.

When she finally reached the courtyard, only to find Liliane screaming, her wispy hair caked to her pale cheeks, Lina merely stood there, her arms crossed.

"I am so glad you have come to your senses, Birdie," Byron said, his hand digging into Liliane's wrist as he held her back. "I am assuming I can call you that now."