You Condemn Me Now

Easter - 1985

                         

"Why she over dere?".. "Who she tawkin too?"..."She crayyzeh!"...

I han my head low as I hear the other kids talk about me from a distance. "I wonder why they don't like me?...  And what's wrong with being over here?...  Its really fun, and my feet and finger tips get all tingly" I thought to myself as I held my hands out and smiled. Sometimes it tickles and I laugh. I tried telling them about   it.... But they only made fun of me.

"And how come they don't know Aunt Mandy?.... She's here every Sunday" I wondered, confused by what the kids behind me are repeating over and over again...

They really shouldn't be so rude to an old lady... Its just not nice! I like Old people. Old people have the best stories to tell.. And snacks...

"Am I ugly Aunt Mandy?"

"Nawl suga! You a pretty lil guhl!" She replied and smiled... Aunt Mandy was always nice to me. She's never hurt my feelings or made me feel like I was being bad like the other grown ups.... "Why you ask dat?" Aunt Mandy asked with an eyebrow raised and a slight grin.

I shrugged my shoulders.."Don't nobody like me" I answered.

"Dey jes don't understand you chile... Folks don't like da peoples dat can see"... She says but I don't understand..

"But.. They not blind Aunt Mandy..." I replied

She studies my face for few seconds before tightly closing her eyes and throwing her head back in laughter. I just stood there confused and still waiting for an answer, while she's having a hearty laugh at something unknown to me.

"Dey not mad cause dey blind suga... Dey jes ain't able to see like you and yo other kinfolk" Aunt Mandy explains but I still don't really understand. Grown ups are so confusing... And who are my other kinfolks?

"My other kinfolks?... Are they from Arkansas too?"

"Shole is... Right chea in Rag Town down by da crossroads..." she replied and smiled... "Na... When you go visit em...  watch out for da ball headed ole man with a red hat and cane... You'll kno its him, cuz he be havin a roosta wit eem too" Aunt Mandy said as her warm smiling face faded to a grim and serious one....

You behave yaself 'round him chile" she said as  she leaned and lowered herself to eye level with me... "Cause if you don't... He'll trick ya!" She warned, as she quickly snapped her fingers in my face making me jump..

"Nessa!!.." I hear my aunt Pearl call in the distance and I turn around to see what she wants. "We ain't hide no Easter eggs over there baby!" She said

"That's ok auntie Pearl! I don't like boiled eggs!" I replied

Aunt pearl hung her head and giggled... "Nawl its not ok... You don't need to be playing over there. Come on back over here with the other kids" she said

I pout a little but I'm going to do what I'm told anyways. I'm no fool... They literally beat little kids down here... "Okaay!" I call back and turn around to say goodbye to Aunt Mandy but..... She's gone...

"Where did she go?" I say aloud to myself.. I walk around looking for her when suddenly I'm being yanked away by my arm.

I look up and see that its Aunt Pearl. She's got a tight grip on my wrist with that look on her face grown ups have when they're about to give you a whoopin. She took me to a side of the church where there's fewer people and began scolding me.

"I'm not gon' whoop yo butt this time... But act like you can't do whatchoo told again!" She warned

"Yes ma'am" I replied with my head bowed.

I didn't mean to do bad. I was coming like she asked... I just wanted to say goodbye to Aunt Mandy. I can't explain myself to Aunt Pearl tho... She'll think I'm talking back and then I'd REALLY be in trouble...

"Na gon' over there and play with the other kids..... Be normal hell!" She commands as I walk away

"I swear!" another grown up I don't know said... "What kind of chile plays in a graveyard?" She asked Aunt Pearl

"A heathen" my aunt replies... "You know she ain't baptized right?" She informs the lady

"Ohhh okay" the lady responded as if that explained it all... "Well she got time... she what?... 5 or 6?" The lady inquired

"She 5 she'll be 6 next month" Aunt Pearl said... "I called up north to ask my brother if we can have her baptized when she comes back for the summer. All he had to say was 'you gotta talk to her mama about that'.... Well I ain't even going there with her, cuz me n her had a fallen out once before about church." She explained

"Whaaat? She one o' dem atheists?" The lady asked

"Nawl.. She so call haself spiritual. She don't believe you gotta go to church to believe in God. Chile her whole family crazy... And my brother must not be wrapped too tight either for him to marry somebody like dat...."

I was able to ignore the mean stuff being said about me and my mommy n daddy the closer I got to a picnic table by a tree. I sat there all by myself because the other kids never want to play with me. I thought I was going to have fun down here. My daddy always told me that there's a lot of space and freedom in the country, and I could play outside all I wanted... But its no fun if there's nobody to play with.

Watching all of the other kids made me miss Charlie. She's my best friend... And she don't think I'm weird like everybody else does. All the kids at school think I'm weird too, but I still can't wait to go home. I sit and think about the fun I COULD be having for spring break, with my elbows rested on my knees and my face in my palms.

"Why you settn dere by yoself?"

I look up and see a little boy who might be my age, dressed in really dirty, torn up clothes and no shoes. His feet looks like they have blisters on them....

"Nobody wants to play with me" I tell him and he nods

"Dey don't play wit me neither... I try to play, but dey don't say nuffin to me" He replied and looked sad.

"I'll play with you!" I said standing up and excited that I may have somebody to play with..

"You will?" He replied  just as excited..

"Sure!... Wanna play hide and go seek? I asked

"Okay! I'll hide first!" He answered and ran behind the church to find someplace to hide...

I ran up to the tree and began counting aloud.. "1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10!... Ready or not here I come" I shouted and ran to the back of the church to find my new friend....