Chasing Cars

Chapter 53

Matt's Pov

"How do you feel about your mother?" Emily asked me.

I kept my eyes trained on the ceiling before replying,"I hate her."

"Why?"

"Because she abandoned me when I need her the most."

"What about your father?"

"I never knew him. He didn't want kids, left before I was born."

"Do you ever feel like your mother blames you for your dad leaving?"

I thought about it,"I did, for awhile. When I was younger anyways."

"What changed your mind?"

"I decided that it was both their faults. His because he didn't want kids but had sex anyways, and hers for letting him leave and not fighting to keep him."

I look over at Emily and she's noddin her head, eyes focused on the notepad in front of her. She looks up at me and smiles.

"Can we try something Matt?"

I shrug my shoulders,"I don't see why not."

"Im going to have a metronome playing, and I want you to relax, ok?"

I nod my head and close my eyes as she starts playing a ticking sound.

"Breath deeply, in and out, and focus on the ticking. I want you to let any thought into your head. Don't push it away. Just let it come, notice it but don't mention it, until it leaves."

I do as she says, and different, useless thoughts form, not staying very long.

"Good, now I want you to think of a happy place. Somewhere you are most comfortable."

I picture in my mind the beach, the sand underneath me and the waves rushing over my toes.

"Is someone with you?" Emily's voice has gotten, fuzzy, as if she's moved farther and farther away from me.

I nod my head,"Yes."

"Whose with you?"

"Carter." my voice is soft and quiet, and doesn't sound like my own.

"Are you happy?"

I nod my head.

"Is Carter happy?"

I look over at him, and he smiles.

"Yes."

"Why is Carter happy?" I can barely hear her voice.

Carter keeps smiling at me, slowly taking my hand in his.

"I don't know."

"Why are you happy?"

"Because I'm with Carter."

She says something else, but I can no longer hear her, just the ticking, echoing my heart beat. Carter says something, but I don't understand. The sky suddenly gets dark, and the waves start crashing together violently. Dark black clouds cover the now grayish sky, and I can't hear anything over the roaring of the wind. I lose Carter, no longer able to find him.

I run around, screaming his name, but it gets lost in the howling of the wind. I feel as if I'm losing myself, and I slowly shrink to my knees. I hear laughter, and look up to see my mom. She's glaring at me, a high pitched awful laugh leaving her mouth. Someone stands next to her, a man that looks a lot like me. He's laughing along, both pointing at me.

Soon other people join them, Nash, Cameron, Hayes, Mahogany, Jacob, Shawn, Taylor, even Trixy. More and more people join until I see someone walking towards the front.