Chapter 6

177 23 11

by kourtnienet

Dedicated to Fameghan

by kourtnienet

Hello, hoomans.
I'm Major Tom,
a sophisticated tuxedo cat,
and I'll be leading this mission.

Hooman #1:
Umm, hello.

Tom:
Are you ready
to visit the neighbor
who stole Happy Rock
from the front yard?
Do you have
running shoes
in case we need to escape?

Hooman #A:
Why is Tom talking?

Hooman #1:
He's been doing that
for awhile now...

Hooman #A:
For how long?

Hooman #1:
At least as long
as he's been
ripping squirrels in half.

Hooman #A:
I think that's Greg
who's ripping up squirrels.

Hooman #1:
He talks, too.

Hooman #A:
And you didn't tell me
our cats could talk?

Hooman #1:
I was too busy translating
what they were saying
onto Wattpad.

Hooman #A:
W-what?

Tom:
Hoomans...?

Hooman #1 & #A:
What, Tom!?

Tom:
Until we finish
Meowmaster's Thumb Project,
I'm gonna need you
to turn the knob
and open
our front door.

Hooman #1:
We wouldn't have to
go on this trip,
if you'd just taken
Happy Rock back
when you saw it
in our neighbor's yard—
but no, now we have to
get the cats involved—

Hooman #A:
We've been over this already!

Hooman #1:
I feel unsatisfied...

Tom:
Door, hoomans!

A silence stretched
between the three of us,
punctured by
Hooman #A and Hooman #1
both trying to open the door.

After a couple knuckle-bumps,
the door opens.

As I lead the hoomans
of Feline Society #337 down
In 'n' Oumanity Avenue,
to the shortest, whitest,
most weather-worn house
on the block,
I prepare myself for battle...