Stanley Uris, a boy with three secrets hidden beneath a thick sweater - one of them being his love for his best friend.
Bill Denbrough, a boy who spends every morning trying to convince himself he's not gay.
This is their tale, told through both of...
"In order to be who you are, you must be willing to let go of who you think you are." ~ Michael Singer
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Fuck. It's true.
Bill Denbrough had a secret.
Bill Denbrough had something to hide.
Bill Denbrough looked in the mirror when he got home that Friday afternoon, and the gay boy looking back at him was...him.
I am gay.
At that moment, the little voice merged with his own voice and for a second, he felt complete equilibrium. I am gay. I'm gay, and it's okay. I'm gay! A smile broke across the boy's face. His reflection smiled back.
All his doubts...they didn't matter. He was gay. He liked boys. And especially, he liked one boy, a curly-haired boy with sad brown eyes.
I'm gay! All those lies...they don't matter either. I'm gay.
But the lump didn't disappear. He was gay...and he liked Stan. He felt suddenly sick. Stan was also gay, but did he like Bill? How could he tell his best friend? What would happen at the sleepover?
He sat on his bed and wondered for a long moment what he would do about Bev.
And what his parents would think.
And why it had taken so long.
And why his excitement at this revelation was trickling away.
In fact, he sat and thought until it was time to go to Richie's house. He grabbed Silver and headed off and when he arrived the lump had subsided a little. Maybe Stan did like him back. If only he could find out...
"Heya, Big Bill!" Richie was grinning.
"H-hi. Is St-Stan here?"
"Yeah, he arrived a minute ago. Come on!"
He joined Richie and Stan, and felt a wave of heat and nausea and embarrassment and excitement and everything that came with this crush. Infatuation — it was a rollercoaster, fun and yet terrifying and sickening, and at the end, who knew if you'd throw up or faint or be really happy.
Bill was dragged back to reality by Richie's voice. "Let's play Spin the Bottle." The dark-haired host was grinning more brightly.
Stan frowned. "Why? There are only three of us. We'd end up all kissing each other over and over."
"So? Bill, whaddya say?"
"Uh...I-I don't kn-know." What was Bill supposed to do with his hands? How did breathing work?
"Pleeeeeeeeaase."
Stan rolled his eyes. "Fine. Kiss on the cheek?"
"Wherever," Richie responded.
Bill noticed an unspoken knowledge in the group: somehow, they could all sense the others liked kissing boys (or, in Bill's case, liked the idea of kissing boys but hadn't yet). Otherwise, none would have agreed.
They commenced a game as painful and exciting as that of a crush, and Richie landed on Stan. They both looked annoyed as Richie laid his lips gently on Stan's cheek before drawing back. Richie had clearly wanted a different person.
Had he wanted Bill?
Stan, of course, spun Bill. His face became red and hot and he couldn't believe it when Stan kissed Bill's cheek OH MY GOD! He took a deep breath and calmed down, gave Stan a weak smile, and then spun. It landed on Richie.
Okay, Richie definitely looked happy. What the fuck?
Bill kissed his cheek and the game continued until everyone, even Rich, was sick of it. Bill and Stan only kissed twice more and instead ended up kissing Richie over and over — which became dull.
"Let's watch a movie," Richie suggested.
"Okay," Stan answered. "I'm gonna grab a water. Anyone want anything?"
"W-water, please," Bill answered.
"I'll have a beer," Richie replied.
Stan shrugged and disappeared into the kitchen.
Bill didn't even know what movie they ended up watching. He was staring at Stan, who seemed sort of sad and distant. He always seemed that way...
Wait...what?
Bill nudged Stan and gestured for them to go to the kitchen.
"Refills," Stan called to Richie, who was half-asleep and gave them a tired thumbs-up.
The two boys entered the kitchen and Stan raised an eyebrow. "What?" he whispered.
"Y-you o-okay?" Bill murmured.
"No."
"What?"
"I'm not okay. You wanted an honest answer, did you not?" Stan sighed. "Remember that time in the closet a week ago?"
Bill nodded.
"Well, I'm gay, and..." He trailed away, looking nervous, tugging at his sweater sleeves. "I have another secret."
"I'm g-gay," Bill interrupted, the word 'secret' bringing out a surge of courage that had perhaps lingered in him, waiting to be unleashed.
Stan looked shocked...and a little happy. "You are? What about Bev?"
"Uh...I-I've sort of b-been in de-denial..."
"Oh, okay." Stan was scrutinizing him. "Bill?"
"Y-yes, St-Stan?"
"I think I might be falling in love with you."
Bill felt everything he ever wanted rise up and swallow him, but he loved it and it was the best feeling, happiness spreading through his limbs, a grin splitting his face, an unbelievable joy racing in his heart—
And then Bill kissed him.
And Stan kissed back.
When they broke apart, Stan was smiling a real smile. It was so different from his normal face — it took over every inch of skin. Even his brown eyes sparkled with sincerity.
"Bill..."
"I-I am al-also f-falling i-in love w-with y-you," Bill told him, stuttering but not caring.
